


Regrets

by MarvelisLife



Category: Norse Religion & Lore, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Asgard's number one criminal, Attempted Murder, Divorce, Dominance, F/M, Feels, Loki Does What He Wants, Manipulative Loki, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Relationship Problems, Sigyn needs a hug, dead children, distant, losing yourself, to this woman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 16:51:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7692193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelisLife/pseuds/MarvelisLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One failed marriage that caused a lot of damage to Sigyn's state of mind but somehow she was able to find her way back to society. Finally being able to move on from the years of torment, she lives by herself peacefully. When her worst nightmare comes back to haunt her, she doesn't know how to approach this. The monsters here to stay and all she can be is the loyal gullible wife he always took her for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. welcome back

**Author's Note:**

> just couldn't stop thinking about Sigyn and her life so I thought of this

      Her body seeped into the bathtub feeling the heat succumb her in warmth and relaxation. It's been a long week of working labor and she needed a break.  After this she was going to make herself dinner and probably read herself to sleep. She lowered her head deeper into the water up to her nose getting a whiff of her rose scented soap that's been simmering in the tub. She reached for her loofah scrubbing her arms slowly with it. Her body loosened as all the knots began to unwind and her mind drifted off to daydream. Her solemn time was interrupted  by the banging coming from her front door that caused Sigyn to jump out of the tub shaken by the violent banging at the door. Grabbing her faded color towel, she wrapped it around her tucking the end to her side keeping it up and putting her soaking hair in a messy bun. She enjoyed the peacefulness and silence that crept in the room but for it to be at a wildly abrupt stop honestly annoyed her but she was too kind of a person to express anger in any sense of the manner and usually let things go easily like water under the bridge. She was dripping all over her carpet making a trail of water to the door where the knocking originated. “Coming,” she reached for the knob opening the walk way only to be greeted by a familiar face. Sigyn was left with horror in her eyes and felt hazy but still fear dug into her mind.

          “Hello love,” she slammed the door back locking it falling against sliding down it slowly. Tears filled her eyes as the remembrance of this man gave her pain in the pit of her stomach. Her previous emotions for him hit the brim of the surface begging to be release.

        “They said he was bad for you,” she gripped her hair pulling on it flabbergasted. She didn't know what to do and the more he asked for entrance caused her to wince and twitch from his words. How smoothed they flowed as they rolled off his tongue made her whine and squeal quietly. She didn't want to deal with this man again, not like last time and yet he still gave her that bubbly warmth feeling that always seemed to show whenever she was near him. She knew her love didn't matter to him but she gave it up anyways even after all he's done to her, she couldn't get the shaky feeling that he cared even it's just her fantasy. In reality, he was a cheating lying bastard who didn't deserve any of her respect or sympathy but revenge and malice wasn't really part of her nature.

          Sigyn tugged at her hair harder expecting hair to come out but she simply wasn't strong enough to do that. She wiped away the few tears that streamed down her face picking herself up off the ground using the door for support. Sigyn took a moment to think about the consequences that could generate from even talking to this man. He was the darker part of history in her mind that changed her fabric of reality. Something she didn't want to look back to but now the past had come back to haunt her so she had a choice. On the other side of that door was a man who brought pain and misery to her and her lifestyle, but there was also a chance of opportunity held in their torn relationship. Sigyn always thought the brighter things in situation even if there's only negativity surrounding her. She held her towel up while reopening the entrance  hiding her emotions with a blank expression. She was ultimately filled with excitement to this man, her only man, coming to her instead of the other way around. He made a half-hearted smile putting slight charm to his words.

            “I know this was short notice but I requested assistants and you were the first person to come to mind,” he was out of breath and sounded as if in a hurry, “may I please access your abode,” Sigyn was feeling mixed emotions simultaneously but nodded calmly stepping aside for him to enter and closing the door behind him. He rested on her couch placed on the center of the room catching his breath. Sigyn was careful to walk near the couch the velvet haired man laid in and she was cautious to speak to him. He seemed to pay little to no attention to the creature standing behind the couch. Before Sigyn talked, he glanced at her observing her small stature before he spoke, “you look as beautiful as ever,” he said breathless turning back. Sigyn couldn't respond still unsure of her decision  she made inviting her ex-husband into her home but something took over her thoughts that agreed with this idea.

          “What happened to you,” she noticed the bruises and cuts covering his face, wounds involving his abdomen, arms and legs. There was gashes in his legs deep enough to reach his bones and gaping holes in his abdomen that went through his body. She didn't honestly know how to approach this, she wanted to yell at him for betraying her and throw him out on the dirt but she didn't have the courage or strength to say her true meanings. She was going to give him elusive words to see whether or not he understood what she meant, “after all these years you come back, why,” her sadness was clearly shown and from what he could tell she was desperate to know. He sat up looking over his shoulder talking to Sigyn.

         “As you can tell, I am deeply injured and I knew you were the only person who could and will help me,” he said almost warning, “I need a place to lay low for a while. Do you think I could stay here while I hide away,” he smirked recognizing the weakling of a person he easily manipulated. Sigyn stared for a moment mesmerized before she snapped out of it nodding hastily. “You're cooperation is greatly appreciated,” he began to stand moving towards her but she avoided his touch backing away from him.

         “You may stay here but you may not get near me. I will help you, after all we were married before,” she said strict making her point across clear. Sigyn headed to her chambers where she could change privately, “you can sleep there for now until I’ve gotten the guest room settled,” he followed her back to her room either way she liked it.

         “Sweet Sigyn-” she retreated to her quarters cutting him off and closing the door in front of his face. He grinned walking back to the couch resting his sore muscles quickly  falling unconscious.

          Sigyn collapsed on her bed tears streaming, “mother told you,” she sobbed. She wasn't agreeing with her feelings about this God awful man, “he doesn't deserve you,” she shook her head trying to compose herself, “how many times has he taken you for a fool, abused your trust, even bended your sanity,” she angrily said trying to convince her mind, “you’ve saved him from peril multiple times on different occasions, nothing's new. He just going to use you like always,” she said through her teeth grunting, “don't help the damned said father,” the rage was building on top of her mental stability. “He plays with you like a toy,” the rage that was once there soon decreased when her memories shifted. “But when he did love, it was so passionate,” she latched onto to her shoulders arms crossed, “he was gentle and soft, it was always sweet.” Her brain had a war within itself arguing which side they'd choose.

         Sigyn wanted to be mad but it wasn't her nature and the more she was self aware of that, the easier it'll be for her to lose her mind. “he called me beautiful,” she smiled feeling that warmth that filled her heart with joy. “I was on his mind,” she laid in bed with no other thought than Loki. Sigyn should've listened to her peers, they told her many times to leave this sinful man but she couldn't help but adore him. Something about him drove her towards him and being forced into an arranged marriage only gave her happiness from the inside. When Sigyn was called to Odin to marry his brother, she was happy to oblige to his request leaving the palace with a smile plastered on her face. The better she got to understand the deceiver, the more she fell for him. Maybe she liked being mistreated, she wasn't entirely sure anymore. For now she would do what he asked and heal him, since they were divorced she didn't have to worry any conundrum happening between them. Once he goes on his merry way she can go back to her daily Asgardian life.  


	2. Introductions

           Sigyn woke early in the morning as she usually did. She put on a white gown leaving for the bathroom to freshen up. She splashed water in her face putting her hand against her chest feeling her rapid  heart beat. “You know him, you know what he's capable of,” she reassured herself, “you are not his,” looking at her reflection in the mirror, Sigyn put on a weakened smile.  She left her room headed toward the kitchen to make breakfast before her eyes switched to the couch where the malicious fiend slept. He was still asleep which brought her some bit of relief but she wouldn’t know what to do when he woke. His body was motionless with little to none movement of his chest rising from the breaths he took. The way he slept reminded her the very few fond memories she shared with the monster but, she knew thoughts like that were forbidden and refused to dwell on them long. Whenever she was alone or in her own head, she had glimpses of Loki. He was an impact to her as many people weren’t, many different stunts were pulled from him that inevitably got Sigyn involved. Most of them were selfish deeds that didn’t benefit their family a single bit but Sigyn being the loyal wife she is, helped anyways getting caught in his spider web of lies.

            Sigyn reheated the leftover ham from days ago and put a few rolls of dough in the broiler to toast in. On the stove she placed a pan on top cracking a couple of eggs into it to scramble. While she let the eggs sizzle in the butter pan, she pulled out some passion fruit from the crisper reaching for the cutting board across it placing it all on the counter. The sound of shuffling came from the living area and from what she could tell Loki was waking up from the aroma. Sigyn grabbed two gold plated plates and silverware out of the drawer setting both with a variety of assortments. She glanced at the chef’s knife held in her hand to cut the fruit staring at it as he groaned sitting up. She ended up cutting herself making her wince from the sudden pain quickly removing her hand from the board and holding onto the bleeding finger. She rinsed it in the sink letting the air dry it out while she took the two from the counter.

           Loki was already at the table when she came with breakfast combing his hand through his curly hair. She made it to the table averting her glance from him as she placed his and her food down and the utensils to them. Sigyn want nothing to do with the nefarious creature across from her other than doing a favor. Barely interactions other than the times she’d patch him up and little words said to each other. It would make her life easier if that was to happen. She would’ve kept far distance from him but her conscious made her eat at the table with the monster. She was raised that way, she couldn’t eat unless it was at the table so it was almost instinct to sit there. Sigyn did, reluctantly pull herself a chair and digging into her food still averting his  defining stare. The ambient long lasting  silence was beginning to get to both of them until it was broken by the silver tongue himself, “I know I have been gone for some time-”

         “Ten years Loki,  it has been ten years since you left,” she retorted looking down at her food as she played with it. Sigyn accepted their divorce long ago but he never kept contact with her after which quite frankly bothered her.

         “What’s happened with you while I was away,” Sigyn couldn’t help but glare at his pathetic attempt to communicate. The last ten years hadn’t been easy on Sigyn and only got worse after the funeral. She wasn’t going to mention the funeral to him, she didn’t want to think back on it and reminding him would cause a whole ordeal. She didn’t respond turning back to her plate that was covered in food she hadn’t touched. Being near him made her lose her appetite so she pushed her food away and gaining the decency to look at him.

        “Ten years,” she scoffed, “it has been like hell,” she said in a breathless laugh. She didn’t want to put any more thought into the past than she already did. “How are you feeling,” changing the subject she didn’t want to sound anxious asking him as much as she felt it.

         “Better than last night but I am barely able to walk,” Sigyn hummed quietly as she nodded. He finished his plate while picking up the wine bottle that was set on the table and drinking from it. He offered her some but she shook her head giving him the opportunity gulp it all down.  Sigyn flushed seeing as he was making a mess over his tunic by the droplets of red wine that seeped into it. She cleared her throat earning his attention before he put the wine bottle down. He earned a faint smile that stretched across Sigyn’s lips which made him grin. She tried covering it but couldn’t resist the urge to smile and Sigyn knew this would be her downfall. It faded away from lack of enjoyment as she turned back to Loki  speaking.

       “You should get washed, when you come out the bath, I will patch your pesky wounds,” she took the plates and the empty wine to the kitchen, throwing the wine bottle and left food off the plates rinsing the dishes. Loki did as told using his chair to stand and limping all the way to her bathroom. Once the door closed Sigyn could drop the facade smiling widely. She sat back at the table contemplating in a daydream, she indulge into the little things and littlest they were the more she loved it. Loki pouring the brand new wine down his gullet until it was empty  gave her a ticklish feeling that she never wanted to go away. For the moment, she day dreamed about him and his flaws.

        Sigyn rested her head on the couch waiting for Loki to leave the bathroom. It felt like hours before he came out since Sigyn was close to losing consciousness, “I hope I wasn’t in there for long. I tend to bleed easily in hot water,” Sigyn picked herself up rushing to the bathroom to check. The tub was filled with bloody water and the floor had food prints and smears of blood. Her jaw dropped for how much blood redecorated her bathroom. She knew Loki wasn’t going to help with this dilemma which only made her annoyed. Loki stood behind her latching onto her shoulder firmly causing her to jump in his grasp. She quickly turned, grabbing his hand and yanking it off of her.

         “Do not touch me,” she raised her voice pointing at him warning, “you may-,” she stopped  herself  putting her hand over her mouth as she choked on her words. “Lay on the comforter while I prepare the supplies,” she said soft sounded. He smirked before turning away from her and walking to the couch. Moments later, Sigyn came out with the proper utensils to patch the minor cuts and advanced potions to help with the fatal ones.  She went straight to work starting from his lower half and working up from there. She went to the major ones first finding them important to get to quickly. She fixed up an elixir to numb the pain and speed the process of healing. The gash went down his calf all the way to his ankle that was deep enough that you could see a bit of bone. She poured the elixir into the wound that made it burn like hell. Loki winced grabbing his thigh and pulling his leg back as he groaned angrily, “I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. Sigyn never enjoyed Loki in pain and did her best to lessen his pain in any way she could.

         “It is alright Sigyn, I have felt worse. It was only a mere momentary reaction,” he stretched his leg out allowing her to finish what she was doing. Sigyn smiled to herself reminiscing all the other times he was in terrible conditions and how many times she was there for him. It made her sad when she thought about it, she was there for him but not vice versa. Sigyn pulled out the needle and began digging under his bruised skin and tugging at it until it connected to the other swollen piece of skin across the oozing wound.  She was alone in that relationship and had no one to save her or even vent to when she needed it. It made it a lot harder to cope with things when their was no one but yourself to really talk to. Tears swelled her eyes as she made her last stitch on his right leg. The needle dug deeper in than it was supposed to causing Loki to flinch and look back at Sigyn. She didn’t gaze back but continue to work on his injured body while wiping away the few tears that would roll  down her cheeks.

         There was a few more vital cuts and potential infections that were taken cared of but other than that, Sigyn could move forward. On the day Loki was assigned the punishment of the venomous snake, Sigyn didn’t know what to do but follow behind. He was chained to a boulder with an almost unbreakable  chain, that was also tied to a giant acid spitting snake. The years she spent there holding a bowl above his head as the snake poured its venom into it, occasionally getting it splashed onto her skin, was agonizing. She felt like they were staying forever but after years of service, the chain finally broke and both spouses were free. Sigyn didn’t think it was all bad after all that was only the gist of what happened. Besides them both going a _little_  insane from the experience, there was much to discuss since there was nothing else to do. Loki did most of the talking while Sigyn listened with little responses. In the beginning his structured sentences were a lot different from later on as the years went by. Soon after having acidic venom poured onto his face for the thousandth time, his words started jumbling and merging on his lips. They weren't full sentences anymore, they became blurted sayings of subjects Sigyn didn't understand. He started talking to himself more and more as the pain grew and his mind was turned into soup. Surprising to see him still functioning as well as he is now, Sigyn wasn't sure what brought him back to sanity 

           Sigyn patched his lower body and now went to his upper body. “I believe I have caused war against realms,” she looked up curiously at him, “probably why they are after me,” he breathed a laugh, “Odin is going to send his idiotic son to come and fetch me but he will never find me. That brute has the brain size of a squirrel,” she giggled from his frustration. He wanted to believe that Thor was never going to discover his hide out but he had the bit of the doubt. They were still on Asgard after all but miles away from the city, a more secluded part of the realm. He sighed from annoyance rubbing between his eyes to calm himself while Sigyn snickered through the corner of her mouth. His gaze was an instant on Sigyn vibrantly, “but I have you to aid me in this challenging time right?”  He sat up interrupting her work. Sigyn paused taking the little time she had to respond to think about. It was almost instinct to nod yes but she thought back on the notion before giving her true answer. Her mind said no but her body language said yes, which inevitably made her nod her head.

        “Of course,” she said anxiously wanting to add something to it but something told her not yet so her voice went silent.  Loki smirked pleased with her answer as he laid back on the arm of the couch. She sighed quietly ashamed of her weakness before stitching the rest of him back into one piece. By the end of it, she was covered in dried and moist blood as well as her couch. She put her items in the bathroom planning on washing them later before helping Loki off the couch, “you have a few bruises on your face but I have ice for that,” she grabbed a bowl and a cloth placing the ice in the cloth. Keeping her distance, she handed the bowl filled with ice to him stepping away once it made it to his hands.

          “If I did not know better Sigyn, I would say you are nervous to be around me,” almost dropping the bowl he picked it up before it could fall placing it on the table.

          “I stitched you to health,” she said denying his presumption. Sigyn left the kitchen walking towards the guest chambers to clean whatever mess she had in it. The room was barely touched with little to no mess in it other than the few pieces of clothing thrown on the floor. Loki appeared at the frame of the door resting his back in the frame. Sigyn’s back was turned to him as she was crouched down picking up old dresses and scarves she kept for winter. She simultaneously stood while turning around getting a greet from the god of mischief. She jumped from surprise of his presence earning a smirk, “your room is ready,” she escaped the discomfort being in this room. Sigyn slipped on her sweater grabbing a scarf as well rushing into her room.

          “Where are you off to run now?” Sigyn didn’t reply until the last minute when she was almost out the door.  

          “I am going out for a walk,” Sigyn wasn’t going to tell the exact location but she needed privacy to think. She knew where she was headed and it was an area she kept discreet , it was a like a garden that she kept track of. She could speak her thoughts aloud to the plants surrounding her, basking  in the smell of pollen and roses. that flourished in the thorns. Sigyn even set up a stone bench dead center for her garden to sit on whenever she came there which was often and possibly everyday for what she has at home. She plopped herself on the bench sighing, “my mind deceives me ,” she picked a rose off the bush near the vine covered bench. “You are a fool, you always were” she breathed a laugh at herself. Picking away at the rose, she removed each blood red petal carefully  before dropping them onto the cool grass.

           “He is controlling you again,” a voice inches away said. Sigyn turned towards the person speaking noticing how close she was. She had hazel brown hair that was wavy and dark brown eyes. She wore gown as well that was lavender, “you and I both know better than that,” Sigyn’s surprise faded away being familiar with the old friend. There was another person Sigyn allowed in the garden she grew and that was the woman next to her.                                                

           “It is the least bit likely. He has only been here for mere  days,” she said defensively.

           “It only takes a second for you to be wrapped in your head,” she was in Sigyn’s face about it, “now your hooked,” she said with disdain holding Sigyn down on the bench, “you are truly an idiot-”

           “I am not a fool, I know what I am doing.” Sigyn stood pushing her, “he is not in control of my life,” she raised her voice getting her point across.

          “Sigyn,” she laughed, “you have no control over your life,” she placed her hand on Sigyn’s shoulder, “you respond to his unnecessary questions and you have been thinking about him since he came,” she shoved Sigyn to the ground glowering, “he has you at the palm of his hand and you will sit there and follow like the good wife you are,” she said mockingly.

          “You’re wrong,” Sigyn whimpered trying to hold in the tears that were breaking the barrier between eyes, “it’s not like that anymore, I have changed.” She desperately tried convincing her, “I settled my boundaries.”

           “Lies,” she shouted pointing at Sigyn before pointing towards the bench viewing an holographic illusion of Sigyn and Loki, “this is what you envision,” he slipped his hand under her dress, wrapping his other hand around her waist. “All you want is him, all you ever wanted,” Sigyn was curled into ball crying her tears away. She picked Sigyn up by the gown using one hand to hold her jaw while the other kept her from falling. “Look at it, “she forced her head to turn and watch the graphical imagery before turning her head back. “Do you want this to end like last time,” she shook Sigyn for an answer.   

         “No,” Sigyn didn’t open her eyes to look at the furious woman shaking her.

         “Good,” she dropped Sigyn stepping back, “take care of this,” she began walking away, “because if you do not, than I will handle this matter personally,” walked a distance away before fading into nothing but air. Sigyn sat back on the bench wiping her tears as she contemplated.

         “It is certain Sigyn,” she grabbed the rose she left on the bench plucking off the rest of the petals hasty, “you have lost it."


	3. Seduces

           Sigyn stayed out until the late afternoon during the sunset. She wasn’t ready to go home yet and maybe not at all. It would be wise to go inside since she was only in a gown and a jacket which wasn’t going to last for the night. Preparing for her departure she grabbed a few other roses from the bush ignoring the thorns that shielded them. Sigyn began her travel back feeling the weight of the world being pushed down on her shoulders making her slump. The only way to get rid of this internal struggle was to abandon Loki but she couldn’t do that to him. No one would disagree with her decision, they’d probably applaud to her accomplishment. Sadly she wasn’t capable of doing something as kicking Loki out of her house, she wouldn’t have a viable reason in doing so.

         The house was silent and the lights were off. Sigyn desperately needed a bath to calm her nerves, she was shaken by her _friend_  and what she spoke was a warning. She rushed to her room glancing at the shut door across from it. Reaching for the knob she slowly entered, watching the door across carefully. She wanted to knock on the door and asked how he was doing but  she knew it would make her life easier if she didn’t talk to him directly. She skipped his chamber moving on into the bathroom shutting the lights on as she remembered the mess left behind.

          Everything was spotless as if it never happened. Sigyn was at a bit of shock for how neat and clean it was. She clenched her fist wishing she didn’t think the way she did but she couldn’t help it. One thing she wasn’t going to, was thank him for what he did, he didn’t deserve her gratitude.  Sigyn started her bath water while throwing in a few of her own scented scrubs in it before undressing and dipping her body into steaming water. Sigyn tried to find some bit of peace but she couldn’t help this pain in her chest.  She was considering making Loki leave and never return but moral compass told her not to. She giggled, “wasn’t satisfied with his decision was he,” speaking of the events in the living room. She sighed heavily in disappointment, “but I’m glad he showed.”

          

        Sigyn had work today but decided not to go. She actually planned not to go until Loki was gone, but by then she would’ve probably been fired. Sigyn was ready accept that but she didn’t know how long that was going to last before she ran out of money. She waited, for that day when she would have financial issues but she set that notion aside momentarily, as she couldn’t rid of the splitting headache she woke with. It was one of the side effects she had whenever she talked with her ‘friend’. She drank herbal tea which usually helped but it didn’t seem to work today and only got worse. She sat at the table face down with her ginger brown locks covering her face as she groaned in pain.

       Her hearing kept going in and out with sounds of ringing and her vision was blurry to the point where it faded to black. Her stomach had slight ache to it  but not enough to make her want to vomit. Loki entered the kitchen drowsy as he reached for a fruit in the bowl layed out on the table. Sigyn tried ignoring his presence but she knew better, he wasn’t going to leave unnoticed. “You do not seem your best Sigyn,” he sat right across from her. All she did was groan miserably, “I could help with that” she shifted in her seat. He stood, slowly making his way behind Sigyn’s chair. She sat up sloppily, trying to watch his movements carefully but her mind and thought were elsewhere. She flinched when he gradually moved his hands onto her shoulders, gripping them with his long fingers.

      “Loki,” she said almost warning but wasn’t conveyed well enough with her soothed voice.  His hands rubbed against her shoulders as the tensity of them began to loosen in his grasp.

       “I can make you feel better,” he continued rubbing her shoulders gently causing her to melt in her chair.  The headache was starting to fade away as she sighed in relief. His voice lowered as he spoke next to her ear, “I can make you feel better like I used to,” he said seductively. The words ringed in her head but her mind drifted off from reality.  He reached down, kissing her neck causing her to release an eased moan. He used his hand to tilt her head towards him as he kissed the side of her neck repeatedly, earning more outburst moans. Something was banging in her head anxiously, desperately reaching for her attention. Soon the headache that was once soothed, came back and jolted her to reality. She jumped out of her seat before Loki could make his final move.

        “I need to go out,” she said before rushing out the door. Sigyn needed to think about what just happen, what could’ve happened. She was going to the garden to think things through before going back there. She felt betrayed, violated, she let her guard down for a moment and it almost cost her. She didn’t walk in any particular direction, just far away from one of her biggest mistakes she could’ve made.

        Loki didn’t know what he did wrong. He was aware of the tension he had between him and Sigyn, all he wanted was to release it. The door slammed with a thud before he quickly moved on to do his own business. As much as he’d love to pursue in Sigyn’s apprehensiveness to his affection, he had to make sure his safety was insured first. He didn’t know exactly how he was going to achieve this goal yet but he was certain he would figure it out. Odin had a bounty out for him alive- as if death could stop him- but Loki knew what was in store for him if he went back to the palace. For his well being, he was going to wait out here with his former ex-wife and distract her from reality.

 

           Sigyn was freezing by the time she went back inside. No lights were on and defining silence echoed in the room with only her footsteps from her heels  bouncing off the walls. Sigyn sat on her bloody couch, jumping off when she felt the puddle of blood that soaked in and stained her furniture, “that was one of the things I forgot to clean while you were away,” the room was lit by the lamps hung around the walls as the quiet voice spoke up. Sigyn froze in place as her body began to tense and her stomach churned.

           “I thought you asleep by this hour,” Sigyn said motionless as her hands reached the head of the leather couch. Taking a seat across from her, the mess laid across the couch disappeared.

           “I don’t want-”

           “I could care less for what you want. I strictly said you were forbidden to put your hands on me unless asked to and you demolished that rule,” she kept her poise and her voice firm as she lifted from her couch, “the next time _this_ happens, I will be forced to tie you to your bed post,” she said incredulously as she walking toward the hallway, she stopped at the corner where it began to look back at him.    

          “A punishment for a child, you’ll have to try harder than that,” she watched as his faintly scarred lines across his lips form a greedy grin. Sigyn sighed breathlessly as she departed for bed, questioning her decisions as usual.

          

          Sigyn was beginning to get used to Loki’s presence and wasn’t feeling the same discomfort she felt when he first showed up.  It was time for her to change the bandages and replace the bloody covered ones, with fresh ones. She bent forward, kneeling while doing this, as she cleaned up the stained blood on his skin as she removed the wrap from his leg. She knew she was going to regret this but, she couldn’t resist to ask, “what did you do to anger the Allfather,” she asked curiously as she worked.

         “I killed someone, sort of,” he said blantly, “he was annoying and I wanted him dead. I sent a blind man to kill him but, they still find me guilty of these crimes so now, I’m being hunted,” he shrugged, he didn’t have much to tell.  He was only going to touch the tip of the iceberg and keep list of bad deeds, underwater.

          “And who is it you killed?”

          “Baldur, son of Odin, brother to Thor, that whole spew,” Sigyn was shocked to hear that, “I know the news hasn’t spread far but aesirs are hearing about his death. They say it was an accident but you and I know the truth,” she tried focusing on repairs but knowing that one of the prince of Asgard was dead made it hard to do so. She sat back to take a moment of silence for the prince, puzzling the god of mischief. “Do not mourn for that spoiled brat, he deserves what was served-” he said with disdain.

          “He was still the prince and I must show my respects-”she began saying a prayer as Loki slipped off the couch watching his opened wounds as he sat  down to her level on the ground.

           “He was no better man than you or I, respect is earned not given Sigyn and I do believe he’s done nothing for you to earn that,”  he said genuinely with earnesty. Honest words were spoke and she could sense it, that’s what he believed in and no one could change nor alter it. He stared at her intently waiting for a sign of understanding but she only looked back blankly at him. Once she registered everything, she nodded slowly before agreeing verbally.

           “Okay,” she said slowly, grabbing her supplies as she moved it aside and patted the couch for him to take his seat.

          “I think I’ll leave it the way it is, let the air dry it out,” he knew that leaving the still very fresh gashes open wouldn’t be wise but he didn’t care enough to bother with it any longer.  He stood, using the couch as support as he wobbled to his feet, “for now I’m going to lie down and rest for the hour,” he made his way to the hallway leading to his contemporary chamber, “feel free to join at your own risk,” he left a trail of blood behind him as it dripped from his legs. Sigyn smiled, later on she was going to have to fix it before he’d die from blood loss. Until then, she cleaned up the trail of mess and packed up all her medical equipment. She laughed to herself,  for Loki to open up to her about what was common sense to his mind, made her feel that once lost connection they had between each other. It also worried her, she wasn’t ready to start a relationship again with someone who was the biggest mistake she’d ever made. She was going to distract herself with other things instead of bottling herself with emotions, she had other work to take care of.


	4. News

             Sigyn was reading the mail she occasionally got by a messenger,  a majority of it came from her relatives, asking her to come visit once in awhile and the rest were news from the AllFather. Lately it’s been about his brother, little information was given to the exact reason why they wanted him captured but it didn’t really matter since she already knew why. Loki entered the living room eating a piece of bread he retrieved from the cabinet. “Another one of your crimes have been notified by the people,” she passed the papers to him for him to look over, “you’ll be keeping that infamous name forever,” she walked back to the kitchen to get a glass of water.   

            “Loki, the official god of chaos… I like it,” he smirked at the bold letters spelling the words out. He repeated it back to himself quietly, hearing the rhythm to each sound, how they correspond to each other, “what do you think of the name Sigyn?” Sigyn took a moment to respond to his question, she didn’t know what would be the best answer for her.

          “Another name for another god in my opinion, suited for you but it is only a name,” she answered plainly but truthfully. She stood near the window by the door with Loki across the room from her.

          “Like yours,” Sigyn’s heart skipped a beat, “you are the goddess of fidelity-”

          “Was the goddess of fidelity,” she corrected, “that lifestyle is beneath me,” she almost spat out.

         “That title was given to you by the gods, Odin himself announced you goddess of-” he was only slightly offended by her commentary but Sigyn seemed to take it as threat from the way she spoke.

         “Because of you, I have never married anyone else but you,” she said with her silent anger but clear frustration.  “The AllFather felt like I was now worthy enough to be called a goddess and gave me the golden apple-”

        “That is not true, I was there when he was picking out my br-” it started to make sense by the time he got to the end of his sentence, why she was upset about it. Covering his mouth before he finished, he listened to Sigyn’s words and intentions.

         “Now that our marriage has ended, I have no worth in his eyes,” Loki took the time to think of a solution to her self-pity.

         “You are truly a buffoon,” he smirked as he walked towards her.

         “Excuse me-”

         “I think that is why I love you so much,” he began to improvise, “my brother’s an idiot. He never knew how to show affection correctly but I know one things is certain,” Sigyn looked at him impatiently, “ he knows me, he cares for me, in his own twisted way but love none to less. Almost like my own distorted love for you,” she breathed a laugh. “I’ve made a mark in his life as much as you have with me and because of this, you have made a strong enough impact for him to notice you,” he said, satisfied with his answer.

          “That was the worst lie I have ever heard come out of your mouth,” she walked past him to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of wine before drinking from the bottle.

          “You know me so well,” he grinned as he sat on the couch, “what would you prefer?”

         “The truth, that’s all I ever want with you,” she leaned against the counter waiting.

         “Fine,” he took a breath, “stop asking for pity, that will get you nowhere. The AllFather’s opinion on you or anyone, should not matter at all to you. Majority of the time with him I spend, my mind drifts off somewhere else. You are the only person who can decide their worth, doing something drastic can always give you attention if you want it so desperately and since I’m getting all this honesty out, I hate these types of discussions. They seem superfluous to me, you will never get anything out of it,” Sigyn took the bottle of wine to couch taking a seat across from him.   

          “Your truth always felt like lies, I used to deny it but now, I know when you tell truths” she chuckled.

          “Like I said, you know me well,” Scooting closer to her to try and comfort her, she stopped him.

          “Do not get any closer,” she stood up, “I am the goddess of fidelity, but that makes you the god of infidelity.” Sigyn departure to her , being interrupted by an incredulous and angered voice.

          “You couldn’t possibly still be mad for what I did in the past-”

          “If you were in my shoes, you would understand, but you’re not, you’re in your own head.”

          “I would be over it by now-” Sigyn took a step forward, grasping the wine bottle tight in her hands as the fury was beginning to boil.

            “How would you know how I felt,” she kept her poise as her grip tightened. Loki stood to step closer to her, noticing her grip on the bottle.

           “I know you as well as you know me,” he tried lowering the tension building between them by his calm and collective movements.

            “No, you do not and the fact of the matter is, you betrayed me and my trust,” she was desperately keeping it together but her urge to express her emotion made it forcibly release. “How dare you presume what I should feel,” her  finger pressed against his chest causing him to go back, “The things I did for you, the things you have done to me and now you say you know me,”  she shoved him back against the wall as she stepped closer, “you know nothing of me,” the space between them was slim as Sigyn’s eyes narrowed to his widen eyes. Loki took his opportunity, lowering his head, pressing his lips against hers roughly, ordering for entrance and holding her by the waist.

         She pushed herself out of his grasp in shock and disgust. Out of anger and confusion, she smacked him across the cheek. His face was turned to the side where she had slapped and his hand was placed there to feel the mark. It was burning and it stung which made it itchy but he put that pain to the side as he stood back up straight. Sigyn took a few steps back, afraid of what his reaction might be. “Loki,” she questioned if he was alright while reaching for his lowered face. He grabbed her forearm, pulling her back into his grasp with his grip being tighter. Sigyn was in shock and a bit of fear for her life as she grabbed onto his tunic, looking into his menacing eyes full of malice and wickedness.

         Sigyn was vulnerable at this very moment of uncertainty and Loki was going to manipulate this to his favor. His hand reached for the back of her head as he forced his lips upon hers demanding entrance to her mouth. Sigyn instinctively placed her arms against his shoulders, crossing her hands in the back of his neck. She was uncertain of what she wanted and he was going to steer her towards his.  He pulled her closer, causing their bodies to be in contact, pushing his pelvis forward. Sigyn let out a breathy moan allowing Loki access to enter.  

          Sigyn seemed to succumb to his actions as he began to undo her dress.  Loki started working down,  kissing  her neck as his hands slowly unzipped her dress. She moaned, throwing her head back when he found the sensitive area in her neck that would leave her squirming. He made his way back to her lips  as the last of the zipper came down. Loki wanted to call this a payment for her hospitality, he wanted to show her his gratitude and this was one of the ways he could. He removed one of the shoulders to the dress, placing his hand on the other, he felt Sigyn’s body tense. She released him to push him off as she tried putting her thoughts together.

         “I almost bedded you,” she said covering her mouth in shock.

         “It would seem so,” a little disappointed from the turn out, he tossed it aside and walked behind Sigyn. Her back arched forward as he grabbed her zipper, “do not fret, I only wish to help,” pulling the zipper back up, he left her side and went to lay on the couch, closing his eyes. Sigyn walked passed the couch before taking a glance at the man lying in it. She looked back for a moment before strutting forward towards her bathroom to cleanse herself. Once the door was closed, Loki opened his eyes slowly only to sigh, “oh Sigyn,” he said looking at the door with steam coming out of it.   

  
          


	5. Choices

 

           Sigyn was out shopping for groceries, grabbing consumable materials that people considered for a king. She wasn’t aware of the items she paid for and even the seller ask her what the special occasion was, which left Sigyn befuddled. She had been doing small acts such as this since the time Loki showed up at her door bruised and beaten. In the back of her mind she knew of this but she rather stay in denial of her true intentions and repress any thought about it. Sigyn walked away from the shopkeeper with luggage worth of food in a few baskets she carried.

          Shopping for the two of them reminded her of the time she and Loki first left the palace in search for a new one. Odin sent the best craftsmen to help build a house for the two to live luxuriously in, one of his many personal gifts. Odin seemed to appreciate Sigyn and her entirety, never was bothered by her kind and soft presence, even if she barely spoke to anyone but Loki.  It only made sense for him to give her her wish to have a home of her own to live in with her spouse. Sigyn hadn’t the courage to ask the AllFather for a new home, it was Loki who had spoke with the AllFather about the arrangement. Although he preferred to stay in castle with the rest of the gods, he decided to pull at least one selfless act for his lover to make her happy.

          They lived in the perfect place, at least in Sigyn’s eyes it was, with enough space for her to have a liter  and still have room. Their time there,  felt everlasting and all she ever wanted in her life, and only better when she birthed the twins.  For years, it was her, Loki, and the twins and for a short moment it felt like a paradise, a fool’s paradise. The AllFather order for Loki’s presence in the kingdom for assistance and was sent back to the castle, leaving Sigyn and his children on their own. Sigyn, being the pacifist that she is accepted Odin’s request, not questioning the words of the king.

          He was gone for years and no one bothered to tell her what had happened. They would wave her off or tell her not to worry about the god of mischief  which didn’t appease her worry. The gods wouldn’t give her a full answer or no answer at all and Sigyn built the courage to demand the AllFather to tell her where he had sent him. He only laughed hysterically, holding onto his stomach before he could calm down. As offended and upset Sigyn was, she was not to talk back to the AllFather like he was her equal so she took the humiliation. After a good laugh he told her Loki had been banished and he ran back to his kind’s realm for heresy. As devastated as she was and inflicted with this side of hate she had for aesirs all together, she had children at home to care for,  forcing herself to swallow the throbbing pain of emotions  and accept the new information.

          She hated thinking about the twins, it made her stomach churn every time she thought about them, what could’ve been. She wished she could go back and change things, just to see her children again. The amount of damaged caused to her by Asgard and every aesir on the forsaken realm; when they took her children away, she knew she couldn’t stay in the civilization for long, it became over bearing. Their names always being said in her head like a broken record, just to torture herself for what she didn’t do. She kept trinkets from the twins as a way to remember but also a reminder. She knew she was never fit out to be a parent but she tried, she tried so hard to be a good mother and ended up getting her children killed. Sigyn blamed herself everyday for their deaths, beating herself over for not protecting them good enough, not even to  keep them breathing.

          Sigyn was close to approaching the house to see the bastard that left and didn’t have the means to tell her all those years ago. She tried to keep herself from getting worked up over things in the past and wiped the thought aside before getting to the door. Entering the establishment, she found Loki passed out on the couch solemnly. She sat the food items on the counter near the kitchen,  putting the items in the places they belonged in.  She wasn’t obnoxiously loud about putting away the groceries but it was loud enough for Loki to stir on the couch.  Sigyn preferred to keep Loki asleep, it gives Sigyn a break from the stress that shoots up her spine.

          It was five till noon by the time she finished putting away the food, planning to go to her private garden afterwards. Sigyn grabbed her coat from the rack and put it back on as she prepared for her departure, “may I join you,” she heard from behind. She turned around to see the once unconscious god, now fully awake sitting up straight on the couch. She questioned if he was actually ever asleep or if he lied about it to cover up his spying. He removed himself from the couch as he stumbled towards her, “I would’ve joined earlier but I was uncertain  you wanted company.”

         “What gave you the idea I want it now?” She showed her impatience for him when he was being indirect.

        “The moment you stepped back in the house,” he smirked, knowing his former wife’s physicality well enough to determine her mind set. To most people, Sigyn came off as a simple girl with easily accessible desires, but he knew her person was more in-depth than what she gave. Her aura was darker than many assumed, probably one of the few reasons she could manage the god of mischief himself.  Sigyn overlooked him, deciding whether or not to bring the scandalous man with her. She always found his reddish-orange eyes alluring, there was an attraction to them she found that common Aesirs did not.

        Aesirs stuck with the brunettes with dark brown eyes as ‘attractive’ such as Balder, but not Sigyn. She didn’t find it as appealing as the features only Loki possessed. The first time she had seen him, he was covered his and other’s blood and stunk of decay, dragging a dead body to the throne room for the AllFather to see. That was when she still lived in the walls of the kingdom, watching as that man brutally killed a militia of aesirs all for his king, when he still cared. Everyone saw a god burning with chaos, but Sigyn read something different; something broken in his  soul she saw through his red eyes, and it was beautiful.

        Sigyn could deny herself no longer, “fine,” she crossed her arms over her chest. She knew this was going to be a bad idea but, she didn’t care enough to stop herself from granting his request. He opened the door gladfully, waiting for Sigyn to exit first. “would you like shoes before stepping outside,” she asked, remarking his bare feet.

       “I’m better without,” she shrugged before leaving, with Loki stepping out behind her.

 

       The walk to her private garden was silent. Sigyn paid most attention to where she was going, at least she tried to make it seem that. She’d gone to her garden thousands of time, she could navigate to it blind, but her thoughts were what really kept her focused. Loki was busy memorizing every detail of the area, leaving an imprint on each item in his mind while keeping a third eye on Sigyn. Although they were spouses long ago, he couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied, the story had gone out unfinished. He also thought about other reasons why he  kept an eye out for Sigyn, but he kept those ideas repressed even when they forcibly came back to haunt him.

           Sigyn could tell she was getting closer to her destination from the sound of the familiar  voice that came from the garden. The garden was always her place to discuss matters privately, but now she brought company by, a special guest to both of them. She knew better, no matter what her friend said, she wasn’t going to give her a moment of her time, though she’s never done that before. They reached the benches in the middle of her sacred garden and found their individual seats around the vicinity, Sigyn choosing to keep her space away from the god of mischief. Loki understood from what happened nights ago and rested his head on the wall shielded by vines, curling his bare feet underneath a few of the entangled vines.

          Sigyn picked out roses throughout the garden in silence while Loki rested as she heard the woman behind her. She spoke but Sigyn didn’t listen, giving her attention to the roses she plucked, “you brought him here,” she  said annoyed and worried, “why?” She said through her teeth, feeling her anger rise, “what do you hope for this to prove-” she asked, fueling with rage but cut off by another voice.

           “Sigyn,” he asked for her attention to which she hummed softly  to in response, “why do you come to the gardens frequently,” he questioned, curious of why she favored this spot as her getaway. Sigyn’s eyes shifted to the woman glaring at her before looking back at the bloomed flowers.

           “For the solidarity,” she kept it simple as she picked a bouquet of flowers.

          “There must be another reason. You have no one else around here to speak with,” he said blatantly, finding the cracks in the words she spoke. She sighed calmly as she took her seat at the benches across the wall he laid upon.

          “I have friends in high places,” she said glancing back at the woman who walked towards Loki, “what else would you go to the gardens for,” she asked a rhetorical question but Loki didn’t catch her tone to realize. She became curious to hear his notion. He sat up from his positions looking around the garden, wondering.

         “So far…answers,” she looked up at him with an eyebrow raised, “…of course many people would search for answers here,” he said turning to her, “nature is key.” He jumped down from wall taking his steps towards Sigyn. She sat back keeping her poise, watching his hypnotic eyes stare back.

        “Why so curious? Curiosity killed the dwarves y’know,” she stated, passing the first bouquet of flowers to him before picking out another batch.

        “Well, I’m not a dwarf, I know how to wash myself,” He said accepting the bouquet before sitting on a bench near him. “I have a quarrel over mysteries, I have to know the answers to the unanswerable. Call it a hobby of mine.”

         “Explains many things,” she concluded, figuring that’s what he does to use for his  manipulation.

         “What is that suppose to mean,” he said nonchalantly.

         “Don’t act foolish with me Loki, I don’t appreciate it,” she crossed her arms over her chest, turning to look at him.

         “Why? Is it not better than if you were treated the fool,” he smirked, trying to get on her bad side.

        “I am only treated a fool by a buffoon, you,” she claimed, dropping the plucked roses in her hand. Loki threw another insult in to cause the pot to stir to which Sigyn replied with a snarky comeback. She knew the game he played  and she took the challenge blindly, not realizing what he was doing until she heard her friend speak to her calmly.

         “He’s toying with you, seeing what makes you tick, “she spoke next to Sigyn’s ear, “he’s manipulating you, as usual,” She said low, rolling her eyes.  Sigyn froze in place, noticing Loki’s widening grin, “idiot,” she exclaimed throwing her hands in the air as she walked past Sigyn. She looked at Sigyn with contempt, expecting Sigyn to do something to take care of the man controlling her. She snatched the bouquet out of Loki’s hand before walking out of her garden. He stood quickly, chasing after Sigyn like a pet searching for its owner, grabbing her by the wrist to stop her.

       “Where are you going,” he asked in a bit of a panic. He was startled to see her walk away from him like that, he was shaken by her action to leave.

       “I don’t have time for your childish games Loki,” she raised her voice, snatching her hand back. Sigyn tried moving forward but he stepped in front of her, towering over her. “Step aside,” she sighed as she pressed her fingertips against his chest, walking past him with the bouquet. As she walked away, Loki felt a burning sensation in his chest build up, not so much as anger but an urge like an itch. The way she raised her voice at him, turning away from him and how her hips sway side to side as she walked away,  gave him a desire to pull her back. He reached for the free hand she had swung beside her hip causing her turn around to face him

         “Don’t go,” he begged, “not yet,” she narrowed her eyes in warning, “please. I acted out of order, my apologies,” he sad courteously, “the bright sky is out and I don’t leave the house as often as you do or can. Please, stay,” she stared at his vibrant colored eyes, burning more outside in the light than inside in the artificial one. He had a firm grip on her hand than he had the last time he grabbed it, worried she’d say no.

           “Fine,” she walked back towards the garden with Loki behind her. She walked past the center of the garden where they entered until she reached an entrance to the other side of the garden wall where there was a field of oak trees.  Sigyn went under the biggest oak tree she could see in the distance, resting her head upon it before sliding down into a sitting position. Loki sat on the other side of the tree, knowing of the distance she wanted between them and finally respecting her choices.

            Silence filled the air for long with tension from the frustration Sigyn felt by  the confliction. Her mind was set on a single path but when she thought about him, it was another story. She hated thinking this way but she always had that second thought.  The second thought that  told her there was a second life with this man and if she didn’t take it now, she’d never get the opportunity again. It made her feel vile to think their was another life with the god who laid across from her, but it was wonderful to think. It was like her mother said, she was a born pacifist, no matter how hard she tries not to be, it’s in her gene. She just didn’t know how long she could keep this act up till it all comes crashing down on top of her.

           “Ten years,” he said  loud enough to interrupt Sigyn’s train of thought. He laughed half-heartedly, “it’s been long,” he admitted jokingly, “too long,” he said with sorrow. “Won’t be doing that again,” he said under his breath, low enough for Sigyn to miss, “the last ten years have been chaotic,” he said openly, “but then again, so is my existence,” he said discontentedly. He sighed heavily, huffing angrily before taking a deep breath. “It’s too late,” he thought about it for a moment, what it would've been if he hadn’t left, what life could’ve been.

           “You left me here waiting,” she said distastefully with regret.

          “They banished me,” he said outraged, raising his voice. “I saved those abominations and they all thought I was a traitor. Wasn’t good enough, they wanted me gone,” he said with indignation, “and when Odin told them-” he stopped himself from finishing, choking back his words. He continued to spew out his venomous words towards this false realm, “I, am not supposed to be here Sigyn,” he professed.

           “After the crime you did, why would they let you in again-”

          “That act was recent, but I was never allowed back into the Asgard those many  years ago, since the day  I left,” he commented. Sigyn processed the new pieces added to the puzzle, questioning what Odin had told the gods that made them against Loki. She knew of the incident that caused Asgard to be in a panic but, she never had the full story, only bits and pieces. Events like those weren’t consulted with common aesirs, not even with the royal court. Very few things were shared outside the kingdom of Asgard, most things were kept between the royal family.

           Still, her heart cried out for him, understanding his pain in clear view. A bit of her wanted to forgive him but she thought about all the mistakes he made, some unforgivable ones. She felt the flames building in her chest as she thought more about it, the anger and hate beginning to rise. But her soul couldn’t hold it long enough, and the fire burnt out, falling into the pool of water safely kept in her heart. Sadness was the residu from the built anger and the tear welled in her eyes. So much anguish and heartache, being near him brought the familiar pain back, she didn’t know if she could go through the trauma again. Sigyn covered her face with her hands as the tears rolled down her cheeks and the whimpers spoke for her.

        “Sigyn,” he asked, hearing the quiet cries on the other side of the tree. He stood once the whimpers became clear as he advanced towards her side, “Sigyn?” He kneeled, looking at her covered face that was hot and wet with tears. His heart skipped a beat before speeding its normal pace as he began to panic why Sigyn was crying. “Why are you crying,”  she didn’t respond but kept shedding tears. He thought about what he could’ve said earlier that made her upset as his panic worsened, “it was rude of me to call aesirs abomination, there not _all_ monsters,” he said as an attempt to calm her which it didn’t. “What I did earlier was childish, I only did it to ease my pain,” she mumbled a few words, that Loki couldn’t catch, that made her sobs worse.

           Loki grabbed her arms that covered her face, ripping them away and holding them in his grasp, “please, stop,” he begged, “no more tears from the beautiful Sigyn,” he stated. Sigyn didn’t know if she wanted to kiss him or kill him but, she was too emotionally exhausted to do either. She stared at him with her tired eye, removing her arms from his hold as she wiped away the drying tears. She rested her back against the oak contemplating, Loki lying next to her. They rested there for a moment as Sigyn was in thought.

           Forgiveness was her foe and ally, sometimes she believed it was her sixth sense. She gave it to people who didn’t deserve it like the man besides her, it was almost instinct for her, a way to survive. She knew she was going to have to make a choice sooner or later and she didn’t like her options. For now, she leaned her head against Loki’s shoulder, basking in the moment she had now before it would be ripped away by reality.


	6. Surt the Demon

           Sigyn always dreamt of her children, some dreams, some nightmares. She dreamt mostly about them in her arms when they were infants, growing up to be defenders of Asgard. In a more pleasant state of mind, she dreamed they would work as honest men; craftsmen or blacksmiths and start a family, have kids who’d also grow up to have kids, spreading the bloodline down to next generations. But, there were the not-so-pleasant dreams she had of her children, where all the guilt and blame resonated from. Narfi and Vali blaming her for what she didn’t do to stop them, haunting her everyday of her existence. Sometimes they talked to her, usually leading to the screaming but, most times they’d ignore her. For her only children to ignore her was worse than being yelled at or even being gutted alive. They treated her like nothing and she knew she deserved it.

            Her dreams were cruel to her but, her mind was blank. Instead she was woken by the disturbance of another dream, one she didn’t have. She heard the sounds of torture bounce off the walls, causing a  reverberation that lead to her room. Her eyes opened to the faint but familiar sound, and she swept the covers off her stomach and  sat up simultaneously. The noise staggered, mostly faint but at times, it was loud enough for all of Asgard to hear. As her foggy mind focused at the sounds that woke her, her eyes widened in realization from the sound. She stepped out of her bed cautiously, as if not to make sound but a way give herself time to think.

         She was certain it was Loki who made those sounds, but wasn’t sure why. His room was across from hers and Sigyn was uncertain she wanted to go in there. They were subtle cries and groans of pain, ones she recognized, but her fear dwelled on whether to help or sleep till the morning. Her morals pointed towards the door with the burning man inside, but her principle aimed for the exit where her bed ly. She thought for mere seconds before she opened the door, calling his name softly.  He didn’t respond but grumbled as he tossed in his bed. She crept in carefully, not to wake him, as she moved to edge of his bed near his feet.

       He mumbled a few words she couldn’t catch but the rest were sounds. Sigyn watched him toss and turn, having a clear view of the struggle he was having in his dream. His body stiffen and he made more restricted movements, like he was bounded to something. Her confusion was shown clearly from her expression of concern  as she  called to his name more loudly. She walked closer to the bed he shuffled hastily in, lower her body to have a defiant look  of him. The muffled moans and furrowed expression indicated something wasn’t right. Sigyn called to him, putting her hand on his shoulder and shaking him slightly in attempt to wake him.

           He jerked upwards, stopping midway and falling into his bed. She said his name questioning, watching his breathing and his eyes. He didn’t shift in his spot and he made no sound, he was still . Sigyn figured he’d be alright for the rest of the night since there wasn’t much of the night left. She stood straight, heading for the door before her hand was snatched from her side, “you know how much I don’t like being disturbed in my sleep,” Loki said, pulling himself up.

           “You were having a nightmare that woke the heavens,” she said taking her hand back, “and no, I didn’t know since you rarely slept,” she proclaim, turning to face him.

           “Only because of you,” he reached for her hand again, pulling her closer,  “with someone as beautiful  as you, who would ever want to waste their time sleep when they could be sleeping with you, “ he commented the double entendre as he traced his fingers against her forearm.  She snatched her hand away from him, looking at him with disgust.

          “You are such a dog,” she said with a bit of disdain in her words.

         “Well a dog has to eat,” he snickered as he noticed the unpleasantness she felt. He was silent for moment, thinking of a way to subdue her irritation, “unless the dog runs away, then he can wait to eat,” she looked at him questioning but acquiesced to his gesture. “Now that I’m awake, what can we do to make this time fly,” he said, sitting on his knees, crawling slowly to her.

         “Go to bed,” she answered, pushing him away, causing him to fall back. She rubbed her eyes, reaching for the lit lamp that illuminated the room and shutting it off. She stopped at the frame of door, grabbing onto it as she hesitated to speak, shifting in place, “good night,” it slipped off her tongue by somewhat mistake, promising to curse herself once in bed.

        “And you, the same,” she didn’t look back at him as she departured for her room.  His eyes lowered as well as his pretentious grin, watching her figure disappear into the darkness. His eyes burned boiling blood red, showing the deepest pit of darkness, and chaos buried inside his soul. The Surt that burned in every individual, stayed closer to him and he could feel its power pulsing in every nerve of his body. He smiled maliciously before he chuckled at himself, covering his eyes from Sigyn and wiping them, allowing the glow of them to fade.  He wasn’t going to be able to sleep the rest of the night, with only his thoughts to company him.

       

        Sigyn cooked breakfast, as usual, placing the plates full of different assortments of food for the two of them on the table.  Loki already swapped from her, the wine bottle as he guzzled it down his throat, drinking almost the whole bottle before Sigyn snatched it out of his hand, pouring herself a glass and passing it back to him. “I choose to be civilized, and drink out of a glass, especially when the wine does not belong to me,” she took her seat, sipping her wine as she watched Loki clumsily take his. He combed his hand through his greasy orange hair, pushing them out of his face for her to see the sickly look molded on his face. “By Vahalla, what happened to you,” she asked reaching across the table to examine his face more closely.

       “Rough night,” he answered, pushing her hand away from him.

        “Clearly,” she said shocked.

        “No worries Sigyn, it will pass, for now let’s eat,” that didn’t lessen her concern. He looked drained, and dying of the plague. She knew she shouldn’t care what happens to him, she’s already done so much, letting him step foot in her house. Sigyn couldn’t help it, he was paler than usual and, he had dark circles around his eyes. Loki finished the bottle of wine , standing up and reaching for the cabinets that held the various bottles of wine. Even his strides lack their usual poise, his stance was sloppy as he grabbed the white wine from the cupboard. Loki pulled the rag from the furnace handle, wiping the sweat off his face  before throwing the dirty rag in the sink. She watched him stumble to his seat as he downed another of her bottles of wine. The bitterness of each bottle he drank was worse than the last, it burned his throat feeling the poison slide down it.  He enjoyed every minute of the pain, encouraging him to drink as much as he could before his body would go numb from the symptoms.

        Sigyn couldn’t watch him drink himself to intoxication, snatching the bottle from and setting it on the table. She stood between him and the liquor he reached for, holding him steady by the shoulders.  She stared at his tired, seeing how weary they were as he released himself from her grasp. He finished the last gulp of white wine in that bottle before he reached for the cabinet for more. Sigyn pulled on the hem of his tunic, dragging him out of the kitchen into the living room, forcing him to sit on the couch as she snatched the wine in his hand. “Two is enough, you’re sick,” she said, pushing him back down as he tried to stand. “Maybe you had gotten an infection from a wound,” she thought, contemplating whether it could be true for him.

       “I’m a god Sigyn, I don’t get infections. It will pass Sigyn, make nothing of it-”

       “And let you drown yourself with fermented grapes, no,” she said crossing her arms over her chest.

      “It’s only su- it will fade,” he hesitated before he attempted to stand, sitting down before finishing his sentence. “It will be harder to handle without drinking mead, but as we have only wine, I’ll have to consume many bottles of it,” he said eyeballing the wine in her hand.

       “No Loki,  you have had enough for today,” she said as she walked to the kitchen to put the alcohol away before walking back to him. “What you need is rest,” she said pushing him into the couch, placing her hand on his neck, “you have an illness-”

       “No I don’t,” he grabbed her hand from turning away from him, “Sigyn… there’s something I have to tell you,” he swallowed. He knew only the AllFather knew, and a few of the royal family, who hated him more because of it. He tugged her hand for her to sit with him, gaining the courage to regurgitate the sentence he forced to come out all those years ago. His words were on the verge to choke but, the buzz from the wine slipped its way through to his mouth to form the words for him, “ you already hate me so, what the hell,” he said to himself, “I am not Aesir, I never was,” Sigyn looked at him puzzled, having no clue to what he was talking about.

    “Loki,” she placed her hand on his arm.

    “No Sigyn, you need to know,” she realized what he was leading up to and stopped him before he could finish.

    “Loki… I already know,” she smiled to his surprise, “Odin told me before we were married. He knew I’d be the one person to accept a jotun in my home,” he turned to her in a bit of shock. “He also wanted this marriage to be true, so he had to tell me,” she said simply. Loki held back the words that wished to come out and thought what to say. He questioned the AllFather and his decision and knowing Odin, his decision had a bigger purpose than Sigyn would realize.  

    “But why, you could’ve easily said no to the marriage,” he was still shocked to know that she knew all these years and said nothing to him about it.

    “Have you ever said no to the AllFather,” she asked rhetorically, knowing that he’s never. “Besides, you were my first love,” she looked away thinking to herself, “my only love,” she said to herself.

     “… I could say the same,” he admitted. He had slept with many women (and a few men) but he never felt anything for them, not like with Sigyn and now knowing about his kept secret, his perspective shifted.  He tossed the thought aside, moving back to the original conversation, “but why did you keep it secret? I would think you would have told your peers, mother, father, someone,” she stood releasing her hold on him.

       “I know how aesirs can react to something… different, so I told no one. Not a soul,” she shrugged, going to the bathroom to grab a cold rag. He couldn’t help but feel gratitude for her years of silence of his true heritage. He shouldn’t had expected any less from her, but after all he’s done to her, he thought that would make her crack and tell everyone just in spite of him. Even more harder to believe that she would let a jotun in her home, no aesir he knew would let him in their home let alone invite him when knowing his true nationality. He watched Sigyn walk the distance to get the wet rag, forming a small smile across his scarred lips. “But why not say anything to me if you knew,” he asked loud enough for her to hear across the room. She stepped back in, holding a bucket of materials to help with whatever illness he carried. She placed the rag on his forehead, lying him on couch as she kneeled down in front of it.

         He didn’t fight her treatment, even if it was pointless, he was too tired to. “I never thought much of it, that week you had done so much for me, I didn’t want to burden you with the many questions I wanted to ask. As the days passed on I didn’t care much to ask, you were mine and that’s all that mattered to me.” Sigyn checked all his bandages for any infection and found none. “Mind telling me why you drank so much this morning,” he felt more comfortable to talk to her about it, knowing that she already knew he was a jotun and still accepted him in her life.

        “It is Surt,” her eyes widen with worry, freezing in her spot. “It burns in all jotuns but it burns its brightest in me. I’ve been able to sustain the energy, but occasionally I struggle to hold back,” Sigyn stepped back taking in the shocking information, “the aftermath of that requires me to consume an excessive amount of mead the rest of the day to keep the symptoms at bay,” Sigyn scooted forward, replacing the old bandages with new ones. She contemplated, questioning the decisions she had made to lead her to this point of her life. Living with a person who has the infamous demon Surt inside of them. This could be the only time he was opened to tell her the truth about himself. She’d rather enjoy that moment then to spoil it over a nefarious demon.

          “I don’t know why it calls to me often. Maybe genetics, but Surt takes time to develop,” Sigyn hummed, thinking of what Surt means to jotuns if not an actual being. “It’s rage fuels me whenever I’m with most aesirs, and I can lose it sometimes,” he said with discontent. Sigyn was the only aesir who didn’t anger him to the point of Surt, and he didn’t understand why. He thought it was because of her kindness and understanding, the main trait all aesirs lacked. Her obedience could’ve been what kept him from Surt, but even she could go off the rail when dealing with him. Knowing she’d keep a secret for the long years they’ve been together, he could see why he would never be mad at her.

         She finished the repairs, “Surt or not, you are not getting drunk in this house, not while I’m here. We’ll figure something else to help with the remnants of Surt. Starting with getting the fever down,” she said taking the dirty bandages to the trash can.

        “I think it’s too late for that,” he laughed, removing the rag from his face. The wine made his body warm causing him to remove his tunic from the heat that made him sweat. Sigyn walked into the room to  see a shirtless Loki, shifting her eyes to the many scars on his top half, some she remembered and a lot that weren’t recognizable. She wanted to ask where they came from but left it alone instead.

       “Any other symptoms besides a risen temperature,” she smiled charmingly as she grabbed the rag he had tossed aside on the couch.

       “A terrible migraine, a little vomiting but that comes from the alcohol. Rough patches of the skin and blisters, but nothing you should worry about,” he smiled back hazily. She sat on the coffee table watching over him as she folded the small towel and placed it on his head.

       “I always have to worry when you’re around Loki,” he chuckled, agreeing with her. She reached to grab the towel and re-wet it but Loki grasped her wrist, placing her hand on his cheek. Sigyn tried pulling away in surprise of the act but Loki had a strong hold on her hand.

       “Your hand is cooler,” he claimed as he relaxed under her touch. She soon relaxed as well, seeing no harm in doing so. He asked for her other hand and placed it on his neck causing goosebumps to go up his arms and spine. He removed her hands slowly from his warm skin, thanking her for the gesture. Sigyn placed her hand on his exposed collarbone and the other on his neck willingly. She knew he would want her hands later and decided not to waste time, but also for other reason she chose to keep them on. He put his hand on hers, putting it on his chest where his heart was located. Loki dozed off into a daydreaming state, dropping his head and resting it on the arm of the couch.

        Sigyn removed her hands once he was fully asleep. She watched him sleep in his drunken state, having to stretch his large body on the small couch was enjoyment enough for her to watch.  His lean body was tempting to lie with, but his mind was another story. Sigyn was infatuated by the hidden secrets behind the closed doors in his mind. He kept secrets from even the AllFather that he told Sigyn. He had more trust that she wouldn’t tell anyone since she knew and understood what would happen to him if she did. The AllFather didn’t suffer any consequences from the decisions he made making him less of a person to tell. Then again, he also knew everything, which made it pointless to tell him something he already knew.

         Sigyn smiled, feeling her heart beat faster than normal as she grasped Loki’s clammy hand on his chest. “Sweet Loki,” she said in hope before she heard a knock on the door for what she thought to be mail. She released her grip, cracking the door open so the man delivering the messages couldn’t see the god of lies lying on her couch. He passed her the news to her then a letter in her name for her to read. She closed the door, walking into her kitchen as she set the news from the kingdom on the table and opened the letter. She read who it was by first, seeing it was from an old friend of hers, _Thrym_ . “Oh no,” she said knowing that any association with Thrym didn’t end good, and with Loki there, it was going to end in a catastrophe. She frowned deeply, in fear of what the letter said and what Thrym wanted. She hesitated but started from the beginning, reading from _dear_.   


	7. Thrym

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it takes me a thousand years to post a chapter, but I can't help. I want think of so many different outcomes but I have to choose the one that makes sense

            The letter was supposed to be delivered a week ago, by that time Thrym would’ve been a week away from her, but the letter was sent late, making it a day before he would show. Sigyn didn’t expect any visitors after she left Asgard for solitude, Loki was an exception but now Thrym. She enjoyed her seclusion with the side of company given by her former husband, but Thrym was a noble and would surely want her everlasting company. She prayed to the heavens that it would only be for the day, he could stay as long as he pleased and she didn’t want it to be long. She wouldn’t know what to do about Loki, he could not be spotted by a royal of Asgard, but she didn’t know where to keep him hidden that Thrym wouldn’t eventually find. She also didn’t want Loki to be playing tricks on the day he arrived, he didn’t know Thrym, and he wouldn’t know his strong intuition and cleverness.

          Sigyn woke Loki up from the couch, having to shake him harder than she expected to wake him from his intoxicated state. She let him sleep a few hours before shaking him to consciousness, placing his hand over the letter and curling his fingers under it. His vision was blurry which made it hard to read but she spoke to him, explaining the predicament  they were soon to be in. He rubbed his eyes to clear his vision as he sat up from the couch reading the note. He looked at Sigyn with disconcern, “who’s Thrym,” he said with little discontent but noticeable enough.

          “A noble, and he’s either coming today or tomorrow which means you have to leave before he comes-” Loki interrupted her, already knowing the solution to their problem.

         “When he shows, I would’ve already changed,” he thought about what he would shapeshift into, “into a bird. Your magpie, and he wouldn’t know,” Sigyn questioned him, unaware that jotuns could change shape, after all, it wasn’t common knowledge of jotun’s physiology.

         “But no tricks, I can’t afford you slipping up,”

        “It’s just my life on the line,” he said passively.

        “And mine, do you know what the AllFather will do if he found out I kept Asgard’s most wanted enemy in my home?” He knew all too well, but worse since he was that criminal.

        “He wouldn’t touch a hair, besides, I’d tell them I’ve held you captive this entire time and Thrym had found you locked in here,” he said simply. She couldn’t argue with that, and agreed that it would be the plan if it ever came to it. She figured it was settled, when Thrym came; Loki wouldn’t be seen as himself, if what he spoke was true. She wasn’t certain he could transform  into a bird, and she wondered why he’d pick that specific animal, but she put somewhat of trust in him to pull through.

        “Then it’s settled,” she said to herself before looking at him, “but let's hope he doesn’t show at all,” she laughed slightly.

         “That can always be an option,” he pulled out a long dagger from the cushion of the couch. She asked where he had got the weapon, responding that he has shivs placed all around the house. She looked at him with disappointment but expected something similar to this out of him, smiling to the idea. Her smile faded when she noticed Loki staring at her for too long in what looked to be in awe. She walked away from him towards her room, leaving him by himself and time for her to think in peace.

       Sigyn was getting used to his company, that’s all she could think of as an excuse. It wasn’t a matter of interest, she was just more comfortable around him now that she was used to him. Sigyn was going to have to stop the nervous act knowing that the clever Thrym was coming sooner rather than never. She knew it was bad for her health, but she wanted to be less weary of Loki, she wanted her guard down because, it became tiresome to keep it up. Loki wasn’t anything different for her, she knew she could handle him like she did in her past life. The only reason why she couldn’t before was because of the inconvenience and, surprise of the man she hadn’t seen in many years.   Still, her mind drifted to her other friend that told her she was steering to the wrong place. She was in a solace place, and didn’t care to listen to what may become true about her suspensions.  
           Sigyn wondered the day when Asgard would go after her. At this point, they would do more than just kill her, no, her punishments would be as severe as the ones given to her former husband. She waited the day for einherjar to come, and pull her out of her own home,  dragging her back to the palace for an insufferable punishment. All of Asgard would agree that being in close range of Loki would be a merciless and malicious treatment for someone like herself. She didn’t believe Loki was as bad as many aesirs had assumed, sure she knew he was insane, but part of her knew it was because of the living conditions he was under. Any outsider was driven insane by the laws and beliefs of asgardians. She understood that Asgard was known for breaking the spirits of many strong figures, it was their guilty pleasure.

         The day they would come to drag her under, would be the day she’d be pulled out. She had her fair share of broken spirit by not only Loki, but by asgardians in general. How shocking it was for people to hear that Loki had chosen her as his bride. Her village weren’t full of opening people, or anything different, and Sigyn was qualified as different to her people which meant she wasn’t  welcomed often. People took her kindness for weakness and took advantage of her because of it.  She would never let them break her, no matter how much they overwhelmed her, her nature wasn’t to give in.

        As for Loki, she wasn’t sure what went through his head. A clear hatred for her race understandably, but his crazed mind had more than just a few screws missing. She wasn’t certain whether he had cracked long ago or if he was on the verge of going on a homicidal rampage. This man would pull any strings or cut them to get what he wanted, and part of her feared that she would suffer the consequences of a maniac. Most days, it wouldn’t dawn her the idea of it happening, but on Loki’s worst days, she questioned whether or not he was going to kill her.

       Her biggest problem now, was Thrym. Her past experience with him was not a good one, and thinking that she would never have to see his smugging face again, it killed every part of her to know she was wrong. She was afraid to tell Loki about her connection with him, but he would kill him for it. Although it would be a worthy punishment, he was a royal which meant if he died, asgardians would be snooping around her place for evidence. She’d rather have Thrym live another pathetic day, than have Loki be found and lose him again for what could be potentially forever. She knew Loki noticed the nervousness in her voice when she spoke about him, and that he was suspicious about  the so called “man” coming to their house.

 

       Night had hit before Thrym had showed. Sigyn thought he wouldn’t come at all, hoping that it was the case. She was disappointed to hear a knock on the door with a man’s voice of Thrym asking for entrance. She looked around the house quickly for any sign of Loki and found none before she walked towards the door. She had seen his clothes on the couch, and threw them in her room, under her bed. When she opened the door, she was greeted by a bouquet of roses, then the man holding the bouquet.

       She thought she could handle meeting the killer himself again, but her heart dropped at the sight of his ominous grin. She wanted him dead, knowing the truth about him and what he did. She didn’t bother to fake a smile, taking the bouquet and setting them on the kitchen counter to burn later. “Sorry for coming on such a late notice, my messenger had a hard time finding you,” she poured him and herself a glass of wine, politely telling him to sit at the table with her. “On the other hand, I was able to track you down easily,” he said smirking. She sat across from him, sitting back in her chair as she gulped her drink.

         “Why did you come,” she asked in a bit of disbelief.

         “Two reasons; Asgard’s been searching for the infamous god of chaos, and when I heard that you had been formerly married to this psychopath, I had to ask if you knew any whereabouts on him. You were very loyal to that man, even with everything he had done to you, he would only trust you to keep his secrets on his location,” Sigyn sunken in her seat, pouring herself another glass. He reached his hand out on the table for hers to tell her the second reason, before he saw a lycaon wolf casually walk into the kitchen from the halls. Both Sigyn and Thrym jumped from their seats, Thrym pulling out his sword from its scabbard, connected to his belt as he stepped in between Sigyn and the wolf to protect her from its wrath.

         The wolf glared at him before gradually stepping towards Sigyn. Sigyn moved away from Thrym, stepping aside for the wolf to come into contact of her. He was more than half as tall as her but heavier than she probably was. She stared at it for another second, realizing in his eyes that it was Loki. She reached her hand out to it, causing Thrym to step up with his sword pointed at the wolf. Sigyn told him to put the sword away  as she knelt down to pet him. “It’s fine, he is mine,” Loki walked away from her into the other room.

         “I thought most aesirs kept your muts outside,” he questioned, staring at the wolf suspiciously before it exited. Sigyn felt her skin crawl to the sound of his voice. It was strange how he referred their people by their technical name, like he was isolating himself of his own kind.

         “I’m not like most people,” she played off a smile as she walked back to the working station, preparing a dinner. She picked the drained bore meat (to keep it from rotting and spoiling) and put it in the burner. It was going to take some time for the meat to fully cook, which meant she was going to have to entertain until food landed on the table for him to engulf. For now she kept  herself distracted with chopping the vegetables she had bought earlier. Picking out the largest knife out of the drawer. Thrym watched the wolf from afar as he slept in the living room. His scent felt familiar to Thrym but he couldn’t pinpoint it, something was blocking the full aroma of her pet and it made him more suspicious.

        As she diced the carrots and tomato, her mind went wild with ideas. She thought about it, hundreds of times since he’s entered her home. All she had to do was set his plate down from behind his chair and slice his throat. She thought of different ways of ending his life, she wanted it to be painfully slow. Maybe she would smash a pot in his face over and over again until there wasn’t anything to recognize. She wanted to see that smug look on his face to be wiped away by fear and regret. The longer she thought of it, the more it felt easier to do. It wouldn’t be too hard, he was vulnerable at this point, she could sway him to a weaker state where she could strike. Woo him to remove the sword from his belt, then jumped on top of him, cutting off his air circulation by crushing his throat in her hands.

        It felt so easy in her distorted mind, she wanted to kill him desperately. It was killing her not to, her focus on dicing shifted and her eyes focused on her knife. It could be better if she’d kept it fast and clean, one fast motion and he’d drop to the floor. It was making sense the more she thought about it, the knife in her hand started looking promising. The blade was sharp enough, she had resharpened it this afternoon while Loki was asleep. She placed it up to her thumb to test the rigidness of it, feeling a slight sting when she put pressure on her thumb and saw a droplet of blood pour down her hand.

       She saw her reflection in the knife and the blood that ran over it. She told herself it was time to let go, to stop trying to hold herself together. She had lost everything, but the emptiness left in her chest. Killing this monster for a man could end it all, it could start a new for her, the her she was holding back. She wanted it all gone, this whole world destroyed and everything it brought down with it. With every new thought, her heart skipped a beat as the hidden rage and sadness built up inside her. She wanted all of it erased and she was going to start with the man in the kitchen. Everyone in Asgard and the nine realms were going to pay for her suffering and her lost. All the people in damned royal family, were going to atone for their sins.

      Sigyn was spiraling herself toward madness, she couldn’t see it until Loki showed. Her thoughts about mass genocide brought her to Loki, what she was going to do about him. Her breath stopped when she thought of him, having a hard time deciding. The idea of killing him didn’t feel like an option to her. It was a small price to pay for all the damage he caused, but she bring herself up to do it. It would do everyone a favor if he wasn’t existing in this world anymore, but somehow, all she saw was pain in act of doing that. It didn’t make since but, she took second thought of all she’s been thinking.

       She sounded like a lunatic, she was losing it and she saw this. She didn’t know what she was saying, washing the blood off the knife. She washed her bleeding thumb off, shocked to see how much blood spurted without her noticing. She was losing her grip and she didn’t know whether Loki’s presence caused it. Maybe her isolation made her this way, and Loki was the only thing that kept her from losing her sanity. All she knew for a fact was, she can’t lose him, she wouldn’t be able to afford it. He was the last bit of good in her life, whatever bit of good that was.  

         She sighed heavily before setting the knife beside her cutting board. She finished cutting the remaining herbs  and leaves for the dish, placing it in a pot she had heated with other liquid substances to make up soup. She hesitated to sit with Thrym while she waited for the portions of the meal to be ready. As much as she wanted to let go of consequences, something told her no. It wasn’t time yet but soon she’d get what was deserved. Thrym almost had to call for her to come before she gained the strength to go.

         “On to the question that need to be ask. Have you seen your husband recently,” he said leaning across the table.

         “I haven’t seen him in years,” she glanced at the wolf, “it’s much of a shock to me to hear him back in the city. Not surprising to hear him causing havoc,” she admitted.

        “Good, I came in replacement of Thor and his brothers barging in like savages. They felt like hostility was necessary but I was sure you’d comply if we asked, for the safety of Asgard.” Sigyn gulped her drink down as she hummed her answer. She filled her cup and drank the whole bottle in one swig, barely taking a breath before she moved to the next. “I see you have a thirst, as do I,” he finished his glass slowly, savouring the  taste as he stared at her. She stood uncomfortably before she went back to stir the soup and preparing the other sides. She began toasting the bread and making the gravy to keep her busy for a bit longer.

       “Tell me Thrym, what have you been doing these past years,” she asked to open conversation.

       “Everyone had to fall back ever since Balder’s death. The AllFather wants us to capture Loki, at all cost. Something has the AllFather scared, from what I could see and Loki’s the cause of it. If he’s still in Asgard, he’s not done with it, Balder was just a start,” he said unfazed by the fact. It answered why he hid in Sigyn’s home, there was unfinished business he needed to take care of. It was heart stopping to hear that Odin was scared and she almost couldn’t believe it. He knew all, nothing could be done that he hasn’t seen before and for him to be scared of an event yet to come, worried her. What was Loki going to do that would scare the AllFather?  

        “Well I hope you find him, I love him but he has to pay for what he’s done,” she said, talking out her neck.

        “Glad to see you’re on side with Asgard. Odin told me how much he meant to you, and I almost believed you would be working with him,” he laughed at himself for the ridiculous accusation. It took her a moment before she laughed with him. He moved on to another subject, other missions he had been assigned by the AllFather. There were parts of Asgard they had to terrorized whenever there was a threat of secession or revolting. Groups of militias piled up only  to be knocked down by Asgard’s finest warriors. Now that one was dead, chaos reigned over Asgard and it became a challenge to keep things in order. If Ragnarok wasn’t going exterminate their race, then Asgard’s people would do it themselves. If the thunderer was to die, Asgard would be doomed to hell with the rest of damned souls.   

        “But I’ve rambled long enough, please, I want to know what you’ve been doing these past years,” no one has heard from Sigyn for a decade now. After what happened, she left the city of Asgard and all its people. She stayed outside the walls where most aesirs stayed away from, where there wasn’t much civilization. It did become a challenge to find survival resources when they were inside the barrier. She had to rely a lot on magic for her travels, (the little travel that she did) but being the only person she took care of, it wasn’t as problematic.    

      Thrym wasn’t dumb nor was he blind. Her physical being was fine, any ordinary aesir could see that she hadn’t aged a bit, and to most people that would be all that matter. Her mind had aged and her eyes had darken over the years, it was almost as if her spirit was broken and the small spark of light that held onto her soul was ready to burn out. He could practically smell the darkness creeping up inside her, it was a familiar scent to him but it also scared him. He thought careful of his word choice as to not trigger inauspicious acts from her.

       Sigyn drank another glass of wine before answering to him, “keeping mostly to myself. I just needed time alone,” she struggled holding back her true words, “Asgard is…I needed to get away from it all. I’ve been collecting herbs for potions as a hobby.” She finished another bottle before she felt the heat of the room increase. She was feeling stupid for doing this to herself, the world was starting to look more appealing when she was like this. Her cabinet was running dry with wine bottles when she pulled the last one out, downing it before she could take a seat. She took the toasted bread out of the burner and finished making the soup.

         Thrym stood up from his seat, moving his way deeper in the kitchen where Sigyn prepared. “You mustn’t have to do this work alone,” Thrym announced, coming from behind her. “You probably were close to sleep before I came and interrupted. Please, allow my services to help,”  he reached over her to grab plates and silverware as he was getting inches too many closer to her. Sigyn grumbled and picked the chef’s knife off the cutting board, moments before she’d turn around and stabbed him. He was focused on getting the materials for the small meal as she turned to him with the knife held tightly in her palm. Before he looked down to see her, he turned frightened by the sound of a loud howl. Her suspicious pet re-entered the room he stayed in and made its entrance noticed.

        Sigyn snapped out of her homicidal trance and quickly looked away from the both of them, setting the knife down carefully. She glanced at the wolf, noticing its visual darken eyes stare at her. He spoke with his eyes, Loki knew the look on her face, that face was all too familiar to him. The rage and thirst for revenge was coursing through her as it did for him everyday, and it was apparent enough for Thrym to see it, and Loki didn’t want that. “Your hound seems to be repeatedly startling me,” he said as his shoulders relaxed.

        “Yes, he does that,” she stared at Loki, she couldn’t help but look at him. It was her only way to keep herself calm and collective without tearing Thrym apart. Her fasten breathing slowed, as her heavy breathing stopped. She could feel herself becoming light headed from the drinking and the stress, but she barely kept herself together til the night was over.  Thrym had chuckled to her statement as he set the table, cautiously watching her wolf.

          Sigyn had finished cooking, and placed the different entrees and sides on the circular table. She went into her room for a bottle she might have kept under her bed. She hadn’t been a alcoholic in over 5 years, maybe she was going to start again soon. When she sat with the wine bottle in her hand Thrym gave her a look. “I think tonight has been enough drinking for you Sigyn,” he said deadpanned before he finished his plate, moving on to his second. Her and Loki both growled at him for his insolence as she finished the bottle in gulps. She barely touched the food but that didn’t stop him from swallowing it all up.

         “That’s a mighty appetite for even a warrior, aesir,” Sigyn slurped, feeling her intoxication consume her. He sat back from his seat, eyeballing her before he glanced at her pet. He smiled, realizing how drunk she was becoming, her uncomfortableness was clear after he saw the many bottles she had partaken in drinking.

        “For an aesir yes, but not me. I have a large appetite for many things: food, war, intimacy, I am a very abnormal aesir as many would say. But it matters not, I am dying to know what has happened to you this past decade?” Sigyn laughed hysterically cutting off everyone’s train of thought before calming herself down and staring at Loki who stared back with the same seriousness.

       “Nothing, trying to recuperate all the years lost to me. For a while, it was getting lonely; tried a job for a while but, I realized it did nothing for me. Nothing to fill the hole where my soul lied, so I stayed cooped up in my home, searching for another way to fill the gap. I guess the loneliness and isolation started driving me insane, but then I found him,” she pointed at the dog. “At first I thought it wasn’t going to work but, he came to stay and I think it’s what I needed,” she didn’t want to regret those words but she did question them. Was he truly her remedy or her curse?  Many people said she was bound to him, but what if it was he who was bound to her?

        Thrym looked back at the wolf before turning to Sigyn, he felt this force that was happening between them and it concerned him. “I see…I can see your connection with this dog. How long have you been giving the hound shelter,” she replied a month or so. Thrym attached it to the day Balder died, a few weeks before that. “I hate to keep calling him a hound-do you have a name for him?”

       “Narfi,” she smiled hazily, keeping her eyes on Loki. Loki’s head lowered from sadness before he stood to take his leave. Thrym also frowned upon the name, throwing him off his point to keep him distracted. He couldn’t help but feel a form of guilt, he cursed the AllFather everyday and prayed he’d perish. “The next wolf I’ll tame, I will name Vali,” she knew that was just Loki playing as a wolf, but she was drunk and knew no better.

        The memories of her children caused her to put her head in her hands and sob. She was an emotional wreck when she got like this which only made her want to drink more, drink herself to death. Thrym stood to comfort her in her broken state, but his touch only made her cry harder. Loki almost ran in barking at Thrym to back off of her, growling as he got closer. He let go of her, removing his rubbing hand from against her back and the other hand from clasping her shoulder. Sigyn looked down at her wolf before she petted it, reassuring her well being. She let another tear drop before wiping her watery face off and cleaning herself up, “I’m such a mess,” she said to herself.

        “Sorry, I don’t usually get this upset when I think of my children. It’s just-” she stopped herself from finishing her sentence, realizing who she was talking to. She filled the black space-meant for the truth-with lies, “I’ve had too much to drink,” she chuckled sorrowfully as she wiped her eyes the last time.

        “It’s quite alright Sigyn, you’re going through a rough time. It’s only been 8 years since their deaths, it must be a fresh memory still,” he said sympathetically. She nodded slowly as she sniffled, averting his gaze as well as Loki’s.  She grabbed both their plates and the different platters she had set on the table, placing them in the sink to clean later. Loki circled around the table, eyeing Thrym with his own suspicions. Sigyn choked her words before finishing her sentence, she was hiding from both of them and Thrym was the reason why.

         It was clear to Loki who Thrym was, but did Sigyn see it. She was married to him for more than a century, she had to have realized it. It beckoned the question of why he was here, and what does he want from her? Thrym spoke more to her of the mourning for her children, Loki could see the hatred and despised feeling Sigyn showed while listening. He didn’t notice, his rambling and hearing of his own voice distracted him enough. Loki wanted to follow her command, her eyes read death and that was enough to make him pounce on Thrym. He saw her earlier, she wanted to stab Thrym intentionally, until he showed up to stop her.   She was upset and he wanted to make the pain go away by any means necessary.

He did want to believe she had some form of control over him or what he does, but when she got like this, it broke him. It ripped all the shells of lies built over his soul to protect the truth, the humanity left in him.

       Her silent cries of desperation and need for mercy, made his own self feel vulnerable. The many times he’s tried pulling himself back made it an even harder break for him, but it was necessary. “I think I’ve had too much as well,” spouted  lies, finishing his cup. His face dropped, having a hard time speaking, “you know, there were other reason why I showed to your door step,” Sigyn sat down, listening to him closely. He cracked a smile, staring into her beautifully glossed hazel eyes. Her smooth peach skin matched her rose orange hair that fell to her shoulder. Her rosy lips and glistening skin, burned a fire in his chest that urged him on more.

       She was a different but fascinating creature, she wasn’t an average aesir to him, and most people who knew her for this long. She was a wonderful woman, and even though he shouldn’t fall for her or any aesir, she was something else. Something better than this race he despised, and he wanted it. He was a man of sly and cleverness, Sigyn wasn’t bothered by the sense of brains rather than brawns though he lacked none of.  “You’ve been here by yourself for years. You said yourself, the isolation was killing you,” maybe if this did work out, he could tell her the truth. Who he was, or what he did all those years ago.

         Thrym stood from his chair walking around Loki who stood in his way. “I suggest maybe company wouldn’t be fatal for your spirit,” Sigyn stood from her seat, flabbergasted. She knew what he was moving towards and she wanted nothing to do with this killer. He saw the frown formed on her lips that told him to take a step back. “The AllFather will send his warriors to vacant your home until they find your former husband. I know it would be best if you didn’t have other guest snooping here. I could stay for the time being and assure Odin that Loki is no way to be found here.” He took a few steps closer to her, waiting for a response.

        Sigyn stared at him blankly, before looking at Loki for answers. She wanted to kill Thrym with every bit of sanity she had left.  “Beautiful Sigyn,” he said as he got closer, touching distance from her. She was stunned to hear the words coming out of his mouth. She didn’t react to his touch as she would have if she wasn’t shocked, allowing  him to wrap his arm around her lower back. Sigyn wished for a simple dinner, nothing that would get her riled up. All she could think about were her babies, he took them from her and delivered their deaths to the AllFather. He was pouring himself all over her now after all he’s done, she was going to kill him.

       “Those years your husband was away, I was there to help you,” she did remember the times he had visit often when Loki had disappeared. He was a great remedy for her pain during those times, he was there to comfort her through her rough times. “It could be that way again, but different,” he hinted. Sigyn would never be with the murderer of her children, but he also didn’t think she knew.

        “Why did you come,” she questioned again, knowing now there was a deeper reason why he came.

       “Well,” he smirked as he pulled her closer, startling her. “When I heard the AllFather speaking about finding you, I knew I was the only one who would be able to. I went here to find Loki, but I have ambitions of my own,” he smiled, inches away from her. Sigyn had a bit of horror to her face, holding herself back from losing it. She knew if she did it, that would be the last of her and all there’d be left is broken woman running on the rage built inside her for years. His hand down to her waist, seeing as she felt no discomfort in his touch. “I came here for you Sigyn. The only aesir worth my time,” her face only read astonished in his eyes.

       “The only aesir,” she asked, staring into his brown eyes.

      “The AllFather calls me a strange aesir, but I think that’s only because he knows I am not. I hope a jotun doesn’t bother you,  I know your husband was,” he said knowing it wouldn’t as he pulled Sigyn in for a kiss. Before his lips could come into contact of hers, she placed her hand over his mouth and used her other hand to grab his around her waist. The pure anger was shown on her face as her eyes began to water with blood rage. Her eyes burned a hole in his soul, it surprised and scared him to see her fury through one glance.

      She yelled as she shoved him off of her, wiping away the fresh tears from her face. He stumbled as he tried capturing his balance while trying to process what had happened.  “Why,” she yelled as she grounded herself. Thrym was caught off guard, not knowing what she was talking about, “why did you do it,” she shouted louder. “Why did you take my babies from me,” she grieved. At this point, she didn’t want to hear an explanation, all she needed to hear was his screams and see the life drain from him.

     “Sigyn I don’t-” he said nervously as he slowly began to realize what she was talking about. Sigyn wiped away more tears, feeling as the wine was starting to wear off.

     “Tell me why,” she said through her teeth as she took a few steps closer to him. She was gripping the chair as she spat her words, keeping herself from jumping at him. He didn’t answer her question, finding it challenging to put it in words.

    “Sigyn I-”

     “You knew what you did, and you thought you would show your face around here,” a large knife began forming around her palm as she took hold of it. Her fury was consuming her as the world around her began to burn in her eyes. He walked backwards into the living room as she got closer. He attempted to pull out his sword, but a hand pushed it back in. Thrym stared into her malice eyes with fear of what was behind him. An arm wrapped around his neck while his hand removed the sword from his belt.  Magic suppressed his jotun strength to break free as the choke hold cut off his air circulation.

       She wanted answers and he knew she wasn’t going to let him free until she had them. “You seem to attract all jotuns,” Loki said to Sigyn coolly, holding Thrym’s head to snap it on her command.

       “And you,” she gave him the same look of bloodthirst as she proceeded to throw the knife near his head. He missed it by inches, feeling the same shock Thrym was feeling in his hold. Thrym choked the words he forced coming out, saying the name of the man holding him surprised. Loki loosened the grip from the sudden threat he felt, giving Thrym the chance to escape. He looked to see where his sword was thrown to, rushing his way to get it. Loki grabbed his arm to pull him back in, placing his hand on his head, using a spell to make him fall. Thrym felt his knees collapse as he dropped down, feeling the weight of gravity increase on his body.  

       Sigyn respawned the knife in her hand, going down to slice Thrym’s throat, asking him the last time to answer her. He stuttered to say his words, trying to find his breath from the previous choke he was held in. Sigyn’s eyes were raining with angry tears and was pressing the knife harder against his strained throat. Blood rolled down her hand, and her hands held on tightly that they begun to shake. She hesitated to slide the blade across his neck, fearing of what will become of her. Killing him would only be the start for her and all her thoughts were scrambled. She wasn’t sure if she was thinking straight, she couldn’t tell what she was doing.  She held the knife tighter as she was frozen in place, trying to contemplate what she was doing.

      Loki took action, seeing as Sigyn’s mind was cracking before her. He stepped forward to grab her attention and talk some sense to her. She took no more than a second to switch her blade onto him. She forced him to walk back from the blade that was coming right at him. The blade pressed against his neck once he hit a wall, afraid of what Sigyn was now capable of. He placed his hand on the blade, summoning the flames of muspelheim, coursing through his hand. The blade heated as it changed color changed to a bright orange-red. Her hand shook, fighting to keep the knife in her hand and against him but it burned her, and she felt her skin sting and peel against its touch.

      She removed her hand from his neck but still held onto the knife. The heat died down when he wasn’t touching it but she was focus on the pain going through her hand. Loki snatched her wrist, dodging her other hand and capturing in his. “Sigyn stop,” he said as she struggled to release herself from his grasp. He was stopping her from killing him but also to stop her from killing anyone.

     “Why,” she said in anger and anguish, “he took my babies, he has to pay,” everyone had to pay but Loki stopped her. When her struggle slowed as she realized she couldn’t escape, she broke down. Losing the feeling of her legs, Loki kept her up as she covered her face crying.

      “His blood isn’t going on your hands,” he whispered behind her ear, feeling the curse of Surt burn through him. Thrym laughed, feeling the pressure of gravity crush him as he failed to sit up.

     “No wonder he loves you, you’re just as crazy as him,” he said before coughing up blood. Loki set Sigyn aside, letting her slide down the wall into a fetal position pouring her eyes. Loki walked towards him, kneeling down beside him. He observed the jotun in its weaken state, feeling its powerful arora if he was able to escape his magic. Thrym was barely able to look up at him as he struggled to stand, only glaring at the infamous creature.

    “What village are you from,” Loki asked curiously before ending his life. He didn’t respond, making only struggling noises from the strenuous amount of pressure. Loki hummed, seeing the markings on his face, “from the forge possibly,” he said furrowing his brow, “did you know you killed your own kind when you snuck into my home and slit their throats while they were in the cribs,” he said in his ear, feeling his anger grow. Thrym stuttered Odin’s name, trying to explain himself before Loki wrapped his hand around his neck, crushing his windpipe. “You didn’t want to hear them scream, didn’t want to wake her,” he said as he placed his hand on his forehead. “You moved on with your pathetic life, knowing what you did to your own people.” He felt his neck collapsing in his palm as his grip tightened more. “Death is going to be your savior for what I have planned for you,” he put a spell on him that caused him to collapse.

       Loki stood back, waiting for him to wake up, and when he did he was screaming through his crushed throat. He was looking around in a panic as visions he saw caused him to cry for help. Loki kept the magic on him to keep him from shape shifting causing him to yell his lungs out. His motions were sharp and quick as he looked around himself as if he was surrounded. His screaming brought music to Loki’s ears as he began to start scratching out his eyes. He was banging his head against the wall, yelling for the voices to stop as he clawed until something bled. His heart was racing from the infinite fear and terror he felt through the things he was seeing. He felt his heart stop as he dropped to his knees, falling face first into the ground, taking his last breath before his movement went to sudden stop.

         His screams shook Sigyn as she snapped out of her trance. Thrym was lying on her floor and Loki was standing in front of him, almost naked with only linen to cover his privates. She noticed all the scars and sores placed in random spots of his body, colored a darker red than his normal skin tone. She could see in her angle, the smile that formed on his scarred lips before it lowered when he glanced at her. “I’m sorry Sigyn.”


	8. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I think, but hey.

         He was in control of the situation and he needed it that way. Sigyn stared at the corpse in the floor stunned, wanting to question why he did that for her. He turned to her, pulling her off the ground and holding onto her. He wiped away the tears that rolled down her cheeks, “I’m sorry,” he whispered. she couldn’t help but notice the open wounds on his face that bled which didn’t help with her fear. She looked at the dead body before wondering whether it was worth it. His death didn’t fill the empty hole he had caused in her life, but made it wider. Thrym was knocked off her list but it accomplished nothing, her children were still dead and nothing would bring them back.

         She pressed herself into Loki, weeping until she had no more tears to shed. Her legs were weak, and she couldn’t keep herself standing but Loki helped her stand as she let go. It was better to see herself let go emotionally instead of physically, it was her sadness that took over ultimately and her anger subsided. She held onto him tightly, tightening her grip with every cry, leaving red marks on his back. She realized, it wasn’t worth it and it only made her feel worse, but having someone to comfort her made it lighter on her shoulders.

       Loki couldn’t let the anger go, his body trembled in rage as he held Sigyn. Ymir knew of how much pain he wanted to cause Asgard, so much carnage that even Loki lost track of the different ways he’d cause it. It made him want to take action but he knew now it wasn’t the time or place. Sigyn almost lost herself to her own rage and he didn’t want another monster from Asgard. He lifted her face, “what have I done,” she realized as she stared at the corpse. The consequences that will be brought to her for killing a royal of Asgard. What was she going to do when they came searching in her home for the disappearance of Thrym and find Loki instead. She didn’t want him gone, not now, not with the things she is finally dealing with.

     “Nothing,” he answered, “and I’ll make sure of that,” he reassured her. She did do nothing, all of his actions were his own and she had nothing to do with the death of Thrym. He was already devising a plan to make Thrym disappear, and leave everything of his persona in the dust. No one in Asgard is going to remember Thrym when he was done with him, and Sigyn won’t have any part of this. For all he thought, Sigyn wasn’t even there when it happened thus, none of it was her fault.  Anyone who thought  otherwise didn’t live long enough to say the words. He released her and grabbed the decaying body, “the earth can eat away at him,” he knew of a way to dispose of the body, he could name  fifty off the top of his head.

      He threw the boy over his shoulder and headed for the exit, telling Sigyn not to leave before he came back. Her expression showed nothing but unpleasantness with fear drowning her. It made him rethink his decision to kill Thrym, Sigyn didn’t seem to appreciate it as much but the crime made his death worthy. Sigyn couldn’t speak and only nodded for him to leave, before breaking down again. She had never killed a single living being in her life, and even with his blood being on Loki’s hand, she knew deep down it was her fault. Loki wouldn’t have made a move if she didn’t make one herself.

      She didn’t know why she was being as hysterical as she was now. Thrym deserved what was handed to him. She never thought she would kill somebody in her lifetime, and it was shocking to see someone die like the way Thrym did. His screams rung in her ear and it caused her to quiver, feeling no satisfaction in hearing a person in pain. Loki on the other hand, seemed to love every second of the man’s weeps and cries for help, licking his scarred lips for every vibrating screech.

       The evil in his eyes didn’t help Sigyn either. Nothing about the situation seemed to benefit her or feel good in any way, she wanted it to end. That’s what kept her knees quaking and her body trembling. She didn’t know what she was going to do now that she was a killer and now she saw the genocidal maniac in Loki people warned her about. She didn’t know if she could continue like this anymore, she put Loki up to murder and she could do it again.

       She will do it again, she was too weak to put the blood on her blade but Loki wasn’t. She wiped the dried tears on her face as she realized it. She sniffled her sadness away as she looked in the spot Thrym had died on. She killed him, and she was going to have accept that because it was too late to turn back now. Her nerves were still heightened, but lowered as she began to understand what she caused. She wondered how long Loki would take before he’d return, wanting to discuss what they should do next. She pushed her previous pain in the back of her mind like she did with most of her feelings, keeping herself calm in the situation.

 

     It wasn’t until morning when Loki entered, no body in arms but he wreaked of the dead. Sigyn had lied on the couch having a hard time falling asleep as her eyes stayed glued to the ceiling. She had too many questions she wanted to ask Loki, but couldn’t find a way to speak, staring at the wooden ceiling. Loki stepped behind the couch, noticing Sigyn’s blank stare into the sky. He knew she wasn’t okay and she was probably never going to be fine. It wasn’t Thrym’s death that could’ve possibly disturbed her, she’s seen worse from Loki. For a hundred years she had to watch his face deteriorate from the acid of the snake and replenish every bone, muscle, and vein only for it to be burned off again. No, this was a moral compass ordeal and Sigyn was questioning hers.

     Loki didn’t know what to say, knowing his words could do nothing to solve this. It would be her own internal struggle to figure, only he hoped she’d stay faithful. Sigyn felt his eyes on her, hearing the one question she wanted to ask him  repeat in her head, being altered in different ways to seem better. She could only think of that question, but she didn’t want to say, not until he’s earned it. She sat up from her lying position, “why did you kill him,” she asked as she slowly removed her body from the couch. The fire in the pit of her stomach began to rise as she challenged him.

     “He wasn’t going to leave this house alive,” he answered over her nonchalantly, as if he knew her questions before she asked. “Not with the blood of our children on his blade,” he turned away from her, afraid to look her in the eye. She stepped in front of him, looking at him with content but sadness.

     “But where were you when he came into our home and killed Narfi and Vali?” She asked with more calmness than earlier, “why weren’t you there to protect them,” she felt her heat rising.  Loki was taken back by her statement, but he knew she would want to know but now was not the time. When he didn’t respond fast enough Sigyn continued her tangit, “where were you Loki,” she demanded an answer as she stepped closer to him.

       “Banished,” he claimed, turning to her in frustration, “there was no way of me returning without being killed in the process,” he argued, defending himself as he felt the pain he fought against long ago creep inside him.

       “But you are here now, but you couldn’t be here then,” she questioned what exactly was his plan in this charade. Why he decided to come back now when he could’ve came the years between. He didn’t like the questions he was being ask, wanting to end the conversation now. She was pushing the right buttons that would get to him. He couldn’t look at her as he thought of a way to get out of this calmly. He tried stepping away from her but she grabbed him by the wrist, pulling him back to her.

      “You don’t understand,” he said, trying to get her to back away. She didn’t let go as her grip tightened around his wrist. The more he answered wrong, the tighter she held her grip. Her small hands wasn’t able to wrap around his whole wrist but her nails dug deeper into his skin as she confronted him for his absence. “I had no access to Asgard-”

     “Excuses coming from the god of lies, tell me Loki; what were you doing in Jotunheim other than  sleeping around,” she released him on instinct as he stepped back from shock.  She shoved him back causing him to grow aggravated, clenching his jaw to hold back.  “Tell me Loki,” she shouted at him, trying to get an aggressive reaction out of him that would encourage her own rage towards him.. “Tell me why you weren’t here to save our children,” it was more difficult to look at her when her hate was directly towards him. His own fury ignited from the frustration he felt from himself. He didn’t protect his children which caused their inevitable and untimely demise.  He didn’t like her speaking the truth to him, bringing the hate he had for aesirs to himself truly.

       “Look at me, answer me Loki,” she said his name derogatory.

       “I don’t know,” he yelled back as he looked directly at her with the same look.The same anguish and shame he had in himself that she had, the same anger  and hate  for the world. Loki headed for the exit, needing to get away from it all and think but Sigyn stopped him.

      “You didn’t kill Thrym for me or to avenge our children,” she realized, “you did it for yourself.” She pushed him back more waiting for him to react. She wanted something to fuel her anger, but he kept holding back. She wanted a reason to get physically violent with Loki, but he wasn’t going to give her the chance. She was encouraging him to do so, but he couldn’t do that with Sigyn, anyone but Sigyn. All she told was the truth, and with Sigyn, he couldn’t argue with that. “Only to feed the Surt that burns your soul,” the sores had not healed and had bled throughout their argument.  “Our babies are dead and you care none for them,” she accused, not sure what he felt most of the time.

      “A day hasn’t passed by without me thinking of my dead children,” he shouted back as he felt his crippling grief overwhelm him. “I killed him because he took my flesh and blood away from me,” he stepped closer to her, giving her all the intensity he had been holding in. “I killed him because I knew you couldn’t,” he grabbed her by the arm. She didn’t stop him, wanting to hear what he had felt for a long time, “I killed him because I want everything around me to _die_ …just like I have,” he said more to himself, seeing the horrible irony of it all.

     “Then why am I still standing,” she said knowing she was starting to see the real Loki. The one that hid behind the misery and internal hatred. He released her, not wanting her to see his face as he wondered his own self. She was one of the few things in his life left alive, and worse, somebody he didn’t deserve.

      “Because, you’re the only thing keeping me from it,” he turned to face her. He didn’t have the strength to shed a tear, having lost the ability to weep long ago, along with the rest of his humanity. Sigyn  didn’t know what to say or do, her anger dropped as her risen temperatures lowered. She knew he didn’t want to admit the truth to anyone which made it even harder for him to accept telling it.  It made him feel strange and out of place whenever he told her about his true emotions, almost icky. He didn’t know what to do with himself after telling her, having walked towards the cushion and placing his hand on it. He stared at the wall in thought, feeling as though he had no control over the situation.

       Silence dawned over them for a long moment as they both were lost in their thoughts. Loki sighed heavily from the weight he carried over his shoulders, feeling as more piled on top of him. Sigyn’s frustration had subsided and only her need to comfort Loki strived her to step towards him. She knew now that both had suffered a loss, and both were still in mourning. She stood beside him, glancing at him before placing her hand over his, sensing the grief he felt. It took him a moment before he could look back at her, not having his usual façade to protect himself from what would thrown at him. He was lucky enough to have someone as gentle as Sigyn to aid him to good health. He thought he fell farther than the depths of Niflheim where he could never return, but Sigyn gave him the small hope that he could.

      “Let me…fix your wounds,” she thought they must’ve stung badly but he didn’t seem to be fazed by the pain. Her hand tightened around his as she led him into the bathroom where she kept her elixirs and tools. There she took him back to living area to lay him on the couch  and proceeded to clean the open sores on his body.

 

          Both were stuck in a room filled with each others thoughts. The hidden meaning behind every glance and stare, the small sounds that would escaped their lips indicated much but silence reign over them. The silence was hurting both their souls, each wanting to say something but neither had the strength or courage to do so.  Sigyn was able to stop the continuous flow of blood that poured out of his bubbling skin but wasn’t able to stop the pain. While external pain didn’t seem to disturb or bother Loki anymore, it would slow him down if he didn’t clear them.

       “I am sorry Sigyn,” he said with as much sincerity he could’ve brought to his voice which wasn’t alot. Sigyn dropped her hands, setting the tools in her hand on the ground and sighing heavily.

       “I know,” she said believing him for once, “but an apology isn’t going to bring them back. It’s not going to make the pain go away and it is not getting rid of the guilt we’ll face for the rest of our lives,” she placed the materials into the small basket she kept them in. “As much as Thrym deserved to die, he wasn’t the only person to blame.” Loki looked down at himself, feeling all the responsibilities for his children’s death.  “But I can’t blame it all on you either. This is as much as my fault as it is yours,” she wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek while keeping her composure. She sighed again, wiping the other tear from her cheek, “so, I forgive you. I forgive you for walking out on us, and I forgive you for not being there.”

          Sigyn was heartbroken but somehow she was able to forgive him. Even after all he had done and didn’t do, she saw a way to forgive him for his actions. He really didn’t deserve somebody as forgiving like Sigyn, he deserved to be in the deepest and darkest pits of Niflheim where he be faced with only the teeth of Garmr.  Loki knew he wasn’t much of a sociopath for how much his heart felt for her. It was hard for him to experience the emotions a regular person would have, but for Sigyn, she made it easy. Part of her knew it was hard for him to express himself, maybe why she understood why he did the things he did. It was her only way from going insane as much as he did. He had already sat up, not knowing what to say. She had him in a tight rope that he couldn’t loosen from, having no words that would please her.

         “But I can’t forgive you for coming back,” she said standing, a calmer and silent anger building. “Because I don’t know why you came back,” she admitted, “I don’t know what your plan here is; with them, or with me. I just…wish I could,” she turned to leave for the bathroom. Loki wanted to stop her and tell her the truth, but even he didn’t know why he showed his face again. He wanted to kill all the aesirs and make them burn in hell but why did he come to her? He removed his hand that reached for her before she left, having no real answer to her question.  He sat there quietly in thought as he contemplated the rest of the morning of his answer. What she had said hit him hard and he needed time to fully understand what was thrown at him. She spoke truths to him and the least he could do was respond truthfully as well, he just didn’t know what to say.

        Sigyn went straight to her room, feeling the drowsiness overwhelm her. She had just killed man, and it may have not been the most agreeable situation to her mind or morals, he did deserve it. Admitting the truth to Loki and pouring her emotions out tired her. She noticed Loki was in deep thought, as he had not moved from his spot. She bothered little to think of it and went to her room, collapsing onto her bed and having the lack of energy both physically and mentally to stay awake.

        She didn’t quite know where to go from here, with Thrym dead she knew Asgard would be snooping. Maybe this was the end of the line for both of them, she wasn’t going to let Loki take all the blame. Generous of him to say so but she wasn’t letting him do it, if he was going to fall, she might as well fall too. There was nothing left for her to stay afloat, so why keep trying? She tried not thinking about it as much as she fell unconscious into a deep slumber.


	9. Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Loki chapter

        Loki shifted in his bed, finding no comfort in it. He grumbled before turning to his side and opening his eyes slowly in a small groan. He was almost surprised to see Sigyn lying next to him asleep. His body relaxed once he realized where he was and the sudden discomfort he felt faded away along with the rest of pain he woke with every morning. He sighed in relief to know he had made one good choice in his life. Loki placed his arm around her hip, pulling her closer to him under the covers. She woke under his touch which made him smile. She didn’t seem disturbed to lay next to him, it was natural which fed into the fantasy. She pulled herself closer as she subtly wrapped her leg around his, returning his smile. She caressed his cheek before closing the little space between them, pressing her soft lips against his rough and  scarred ones.

         Loki jolted into a sitting position from the couch. He had manage to sleep and with that sleep came a dream, only a dream. He breathed a sigh of misery, placing his hand over his head, feeling the crippling headache roll in. All the pain he thought to be gone, returning to him  as it always did whenever he had these dreams.  He checked his wounds, noticing the sores were healing faster than he had expected. He combed his fiery red hair out of his face as he stood, making his way to the bathroom to wash himself, hoping the hot bath would rid him of some of the pain. Before he entered the room, he looked at the door a few feet away from it. Sigyn’s door was presumably lock as to not disturb her though he wasn’t, being well trained and behave not to.

          Loki was in a permanent debt to Sigyn. He was going to owe her for the rest of his life and he didn’t know what that could mean. It took him this long to see how much damage he had caused in her life and it was going to take her to show him the rest. He didn’t know what his plan was in all of this or why he came back to her for help. She was his last chance for salvation and maybe that’s all he needed to come back to her.  He pushed the feeling aside and entered the bathroom.  He started the bath water before  unclothing himself, dropping his pants to his ankles. He had no shirt to remove since he kept his chest bare after he disposed Thrym’s body. He wasn’t sure whether he should tell Sigyn, it would piss her off to find out. It was the only place she and he knew that no one would go to look or to find. It mattered little now, the living organism would eat away at his decaying body before anyone knew.

          Loki had a plan to get them off the hook of the murder. He needed a chance to talk with Sigyn about it, he need her to understand the terms and conditions and to see her follow through with them. If she didn’t agree then he would have to scrap and start a new plan which he didn’t mind. He had come up with 50 other ways to keep Asgard from coming suspicious. Loki stepped into the tub once it was full of hot water, dropping his body into the steaming water. The tub wasn’t big enough for his whole body to be in it and he sat up leaning against the wall to rest.

          It burned his wounds to feel the boiling water touch them but he ignored it, knowing it wouldn’t help him in the long run.  He lifted his hands out of the water to relieve some of the pain but also to stare at the ones that would never go away. Rings were imprinted on his wrists, ankles, and stomach, a small reminder of the time he spent tied to a venomous snake. The physical pain was gone but the trauma was stuck with him, it warped his soul as all the experiences he’s had in his long and pathetic life. He instinctively rubbed his wrists as if scared the chains were never removed from his flesh. He could still feel how deep they went in his skin, tightening around his bones whenever he struggled to break free. His eye still burned from the acid that poured on top of them. Melting away along with the rest of his face before it would heal to make him  go through the pain again.

       His right hand held a tattoo on his middle finger. Etched in old nordic characters to symbolize a promise that he couldn’t keep. Another shameful reminder of his regrets, a person he couldn’t keep safe nor the children she bared with him. His hand balled into a fist he dropped it as he tried washing the thoughts away. He used a clean rag off the rack and grabbed one of the many scented soaps off the end of the tub that Sigyn kept.  He scrubbed away at his skin roughly, trying to scratch the skin he saw mutilated off of him. He began remembering all the awful deeds he did and every marking left on his body as a fresh reminder. He scrubbed harder and faster at his arms hoping that if the marking was washed away so would the pain.

     Loki blamed _them_ for the pain he felt and for the reason to make malicious acts. It only made him hate himself more but it was his only way to cope with the never ending suffering. Maybe that’s why he came to her doorstep, to face the ugly truth that he was the destroyer of his own making not theirs. With her he could deny the fact no longer, and that’s what he needed from her. Even with knowing that he knew she would be there to reassure him. To show him that it wasn’t the end because he wanted it to be. That there was something better and brighter at the end of life and they could find it. He didn’t know, no matter how much he wanted to know, nothing told him why he was drawn to her.

      He stopped scrubbing and realized the soapy water was now bloody water. He checked his body and noticed the sores bled from where he scrubbed, everywhere. He exasperated a sigh before he dropped the rag in the water and stood up out of the dirty water. He pulled the plug that kept the water in the tub and watched it drain, leaving rings of dried blood around the tub. He wrapped the towel from the rack on his hips and tucked it to keep it attached. He was tired of leaving a mess whenever he left the bathroom, bloody ones worst of all. He would clean it, but for now he would get dressed. He left the steaming bathroom with bloody foot prints following behind him.

      Loki heard Sigyn leave her room through his closed door as he dried himself off. It was harder to dress when he had to stop the bleeding before he could put clean clothes on. Once the towel he used was dampened from the blood, he could dress appropriately. Wearing a long sleeve tunic and pants, he lazily braided his hair down his back before stepping out his door to meet with Sigyn.  
        “You seem to sleep much more on the couch than you do your own bed,” he found her sitting at the table drinking wine from a glass.

       “I tend to like the hard surface of the couch than the soft cushion of a bed,” he sat down with her, observing her carefully. This didn’t look to be her first bottle nor her last, “I thought there to be none left,” he said pointing at the bottle.

       “I keep a few in my room for headaches,” Sigyn admitted before taking another sip. Loki realized how much wine she kept in her house, more than someone should if they lived and kept to themselves.

       “Early for a drink, don’t you think Sigyn?”

       “I killed a man only days ago, I have earned a drink,” she said before filling her glass again.

       “Well then I suppose I deserved a sip,” she shrugged before passing the bottle to him. He gulped the rest of the wine down his throat as to stop Sigyn from doing so. He licked his lips as he looked back at her noticing her glare towards him. She knew what he was trying to do and as much as she didn’t appreciate it, she could respect it. She sat back in her seat arms crossed and brooding as Loki set the bottle back on the table empty.

    “What are we going to do,” she asked after the long pause in between.

    “Hmm,” he looked up at her, stuck in his own thoughts.  She was surprised, not realizing he had heard her.

     “Nothing,” she rubbed her temples in attempt to ease the headache. Another talk with her _friend_  and another headache for the morning. She sighed heavily realizing she  finished her last cup and Loki drank the rest of the glass bottle. She grumbled, catching his attention before propping her head on top of her hand.

     “There are alternatives to caring for headache-”

     “Try to suade me and I will cut you,” Sigyn managed to threaten. She held her blades close and tight and he knew well of the intensity her simple kitchen knife held.

    “No Sigyn, no suading just a spell. Something to block the pain out of mind. “

     “I believe I can recall you teaching me this,” Sigyn said remembering slowly of the procedure. He was the reason why she knew as much magic as she did now. Everyone had it but not everyone had the will to use it and for Sigyn, Loki was her will. She rarely used it now, only using it when she felt right to or if she was curious enough to see if she could still do the little tricks she was taught. She had been touching on her enchanting and conjuring since he’s come back, feeling the energy cycle through her again.  “But it won’t help, I know this ache and it doesn’t go away with force,” she said as she removed herself from the table.

     Sigyn stopped in front of Loki from the blood she noticed stained his shirt. “You’re bleeding,” she realized where it came from, “let me wrap them,” she remembered Loki refused to have the sores wrapped. It was to only keep them from bleeding into his clothing like they did now. She also realized how much blood he was losing and how it was going to affect him soon if he didn’t wrap them.

      “I’ll be fine Sigyn, you know I have been through worse,” she did but she couldn’t accept that. Loki didn’t find it as important as Sigyn was making it out to be. He couldn’t help but feel this talk about his sores was only small talk. A distraction from the real context hidden underneath.

      “Alright Loki, but you can’t go out in public like that.” Sigyn walked over to the bathroom door before leaving.

      “I don’t think _I_ can be seen in public, every aesir knows who I am and what I’ve done,” he realized how much Balder’s death affected them.

     “Yes and the Queen’s issued a new law for every aesir to have a mistletoe in their homes,” she crossed her arms over her chest as she turned to him.

     “A what,” he couldn’t recognize the name.

     “A mistletoe. Some weird plant with white berries on them. I’ll have to see if there are any in my garden,” she said before entering her bathroom.

     “Oh, the Santalales,” he thought them to be. It was the only item he found that would harm Balder, the only plant Freyja hadn’t blessed. He smiled to himself, proud that the hard work had pulled off. The time it took searching for something that would hurt Balder and the time took to scheming the plan which wasn’t very. Though that time was wasted since they still found out it was him who sent the old man after him. He had to pat himself on the back for the accomplishment still, ridding the world the nuisance of Balder’s presence. He realized Sigyn walked into a room of blood, stepping into the bathroom and he got up from his chair to stop her from seeing the mess.

     Loki opened the door to see Sigyn untying her gown from her waist. The bathroom wasn’t the same when he left it, cleaner than he remembered. He looked at Sigyn who turned to him holding her gown from falling, “you’re not the only one with tricks,” she smirked before pushing him out.

      Every moment of the day he thought of what his answer was. Why he had come back. It would determine everything; every action and feeling would alter depending on the answer. It was a question he had never considered or expected to be asked and somehow it meant the most to him. It brought him conflict within his thinking to know his answer. He didn’t know if he still loved her or if it was out of self-pity, if it was out of satisfaction or compassion. He didn’t know what his answer was but he was searching for it.

       Loki was curious, also thirsty. He was thirsty for everything but water and he wanted booze. The wine bottle he finished did something for him, he thought but he couldn’t tell. Instead of thinking himself to death, he wanted to drink himself to sex. Just to get his mind off the emotions captive in this household.  His head hurt thinking about the truth behind his actions. He was tired of thinking about Sigyn and it drove him to take a drink. Sigyn was making it difficult for his thoughts to flow through his mind and process in his body easily. Clottage from second thought because he couldn’t stop thinking about Sigyn.

        Her person grew on him, just as before but this would permanent. If he didn’t make a decision soon, it would be too late before he could back down from this relationship. If that’s what he considered calling it.  Expressing emotion was already hard for Loki to do, but to process them was nearly impossible. Sigyn brought feelings back he knew to be long gone but somehow she managed to revive what was dead for eons. It hurt him in a way he wanted to stop but wouldn’t. A way he couldn’t handle like he has everything else in his existence and he didn’t want to face it. It was feelings that he feared for a long time, something he hoped would never come back and it did.

       For the moment, he wanted it to disappear. The resurfacing feeling he wanted to sink one last time before he would face them. The wheel was in motion but he would pause it once more. The leash Sigyn had on his tortured soul would be unchained and he’d be free the last time. Loki needed alcohol in his system only to feed into his lust. He was bound to Sigyn to a certain extent, his mind but not his body. He wondered how Sigyn would feel if he left  for the day without her knowing where. He questioned whether she’d worry about his being if he disappeared. The obvious answer would’ve been yes, but for all he’s done, he wasn’t worth a second of her thought while she deserved better thoughts than his.   

      This kind of thinking was the reason why he needed to leave. Loki headed for his room to dress before his departure. He changed into a faded green tunic and brown linen pants. Loki contemplated on whether he should tell Sigyn he was leaving and whether to tell her it was temporary. The thought made him hurry faster, desperately needing to escape. He’d stay in the outskirts for the time being, he still was a wanted criminal. People on the edges of the city typically didn’t  receive all the news Asgard’s golden city kept. He walked for the exit, glancing at the room Sigyn occupied.

      Maybe it would only be a few drinks and he’d come back. Loki didn’t want to leave Sigyn like this. No one said the leave would be permanent but he thought it would be a while. He needed to get his head and priority straight. If he didn’t have at least  one of them then he would be lost in this world. He left on that notion, knowing the answer to the thought. Once he stepped outside, he planted himself on the ground. His toes rubbing against the soft grass merged into three sharp, signified talons. His skin slowly faded into a dark shade of black and out the pores of his body came the shaft of the feathers growing out of him.  His arms joint bent backwards as longer feathers grew out of his skin and his body shrunk. When he finished his transformation, he opened his wings wide before boosting himself off the ground with a push. Leaving with the mindset of a crow.

          The good thing about shapeshifting into an animal was that his thinking was slower. Loki thought but it wasn’t as intense and strenuous as it is when he’s man. He still couldn’t shake the feelings away no matter what animal he chose to be. The inability to rid himself of this burden led him to a small tavern he found while flying around the area. He chose not to go to the kingdom of Asgard, figuring it would be best to wait a bit longer before causing more havoc.  He flew down to the back wall of the tavern and shapeshifted into a man again, clothing himself appropriately. He entered the bar noticing the few occupants drinking their troubles and sorrows away. He searched the room looking for the perfect place closest to the bar, finding a seat near the cabinets of alcohol.

         The place was glooming, nothing he hadn’t expect. It was in the morning and anyone in a bar this early wasn’t looking for happiness. In the morning this place was for pity, self-loathing, and regrets. No one looked for joy and scorned it whenever it came through the doors. The air smelled of broken dreams and misery. The image of the tavern gave off the hint of desperation and plead for liberation. It felt like home to Loki which encouraged him to stay more. He asked the man near the cabinet to give him the strongest drink they had and to give him the whole bottle.  The man stared at him for a moment of confusion before he recognized the face in fear. He did as asked, not questioning the request before moving to the next person with a drink.

      Loki smirked in satisfaction before twisting the cork off and gulping the beverage down.  He was halfway finished with the bottle before setting it down, realizing a woman had taken a seat besides him. “Not going to offer a woman a sip?” She asked slyly as she noticed the bartender staring at him concerned.

     “I’m no gentleman to do so,” he rebutted as he turned to her.   

     “And I’m no proper woman to ask,” she said holding her hand out for the drink. Loki passed her the dark brown fluid with a sense of curiosity. He wondered if she’d be the woman he’d take to bed to distract him of his worries temporarily. The bartender couldn’t help but stare at him in horror. He kept an eye on Loki while he continued doing his job, afraid of what might happened.  She passed the liquor back to him, barely giving him enough to finish. He looked at the bottle annoyed but figured it was best, besides, he had a new goal in mind. “Sorry,” she said realizing she had practically drank the rest of his drink. He waved it off and pushed the bottle aside.

      Loki sighed heavily. He was finally feeling sensations other than his emotions but his thoughts always ran back Sigyn. He couldn’t keep her out of his head as he could everything else. His hate and rage slowly depleting because of his irrefusable care for her. It was driving him insane, and not the insanity he’s held so close for centuries. The insanity that made him sane, made him a functional individual of society. He was far too deep in the hole to ever be apart of society again and as much as Sigyn left an impact on him, he knew he could never change. His mark already stained the book of life and it would never erase. “What ails you so,” she asked curiously. Loki looked back at her, remembering where he was. “Your mind is more drifted than the man who sits at the corner table.” He turned to the direction she looked at, seeing the man whose mind was lost.

     “That’s an understatement,” he admitted before ordering the bartender another bottle which he attended to hastily. He took another swig at the alcohol given to him, wiping the liquor that was left on his mouth. His focus left the building as his mind did.

    “So, tell me,” he turned back to her confused.

    “About what?”

   “What keeps you up after dark.” She rested her head on her hand placed on the table, spreading her body out for him to view.

   “Why so interested?”

    “I’m a drunk and loathsome woman with nothing but aesirs stories to keep me occupied. I know everyone’s in this establishment but yours. So what’s the depressing tale weighing your shoulders-” she traced her fingers along his arm before she was grabbed by her shoulders.

     “Leave the man alone Amora,” the bartender said from behind her. “They don’t want your business,” he glanced at Loki before turning his attention to Amora.

      “It’s not business, it’s pleasure,” he forced her out her seat, pushing her for the exit. She pushed him off of her, wiping the dirt she collected from his touch. He placed his hand on her shoulder, looking at Loki who watched destitute of any shown emotions.

      “Please don’t mind her, she’s only a call girl,” he tried making her leave but she was planted to ground, frustrating him more.

      “I’m only going to walk back in,” Amora said to him before turning to Loki.

      “Not today,” he said in worry, using all his strength to get her out the door. Loki stood from his seat causing him to stop and stepped towards him. The man stepped back to keep a full view of Loki but he walked closer.

      “Do you know who I am,” he asked knowing the answer.

      “The god of chaos, the bringer of destruction himself,” he answered quickly. Loki placed a hand on his shoulder making him flinch.

     “Then you know that I will burn your family in the fiery pits of Muspelheim and feed you to Surtur himself.” He waited for a nod of understanding, “don’t bother me or my harlot again.” He released him, grabbing Amora instead and walking back to their table. The bartender stood there dumbstruck, contemplating his decisions up to this point. Amora looked at Loki in a bit of awe and confusion, crossing her arms over her chest.

    “Who are you? Whenever I threaten his life he isn’t affected, but you. He’s nailed to floor because of you.” Loki contemplated whether he was going to have to kill this man, afraid he might warn the king of his sightings.

    “I’m known somewhat here, he recognized me and he knew what I am capable of doing here.” He gave his attention to her, wrapping his arm around her waist. “If you are a whore, why waste your time talking to me?”

    “It’s not business, it’s pleasure. Budolf only thinks I’m one because I wear scantily clad dresses and have unkempt hair. But like everyone here, I’m only a drunk who swallows her troubles down with alcohol.” She pulled him down, whispering to his ear, “but I’ll let you slide since I’m enjoying your company.” She bit the bottom of his ear, pulling it gently with her teeth before she looked back at him. He grinned knowing she would be the perfect distraction.

    “Where can I take you to bed Amora,” he pulled her up against his private.

    “The man keeps a few rooms open upstairs for women who pay, but with the authority you have over him, we won’t need to.” She grabbed his hand and led him upstairs to the owner’s bedroom. Amora knew she was going to get away with anything while he was around, so she might as well treat herself to a better bed. She closed the door behind them, observing the cleaner room she stepped into. Her attention was brought back to Loki when he leaned in and kissed her deeply, pressing her against the door. She smiled to the eagerness as she placed her arm over his shoulder, pushing herself closer to his scarred lips.

     “So eager, have you found interest in me,” he kissed her again with more hunger filled lust to be inside another being.

    “I’ve found a distraction to push my problems away,” Loki knew it was only temporary and wouldn’t last long but it was worth it.  He kissed her jawline as he undid the tie of her dress behind her back. He loosen the laces of her dress as he explored the tender parts of her neck with his mouth. Amora moaned in excitement before Loki licked the edges of her neckline. “You taste like misery,” he whispered to her ear.

     “I didn’t come in smelling like a bouquet of flowers,” she breathed a laugh before letting him continue. Loki grabbed a lock of her dirty blonde hair, pulling her head back to kiss the exposed part of her neck up to her jaw. He pressed his lips against her roughly as he pulled the shoulder part of her dress down. She hummed to feel of his touch and gripped his shirt to hold him closer. She placed her hand under his tunic as she bit his neck softly. She continuously bit parts of his neck until a small moan was released from him. He grinned and she smirked as she leaned in and kissed him.

       Amora pressed against him, forcing herself off the wall. She itched him to take the tunic off as she lifted her hand under his shirt causing him to remove the piece of clothing. She pushed him back with every step she took forward until he hit the bed. Amora pushed him onto the bed, placing both hands on each side of him, blocking him from escape. She licked his happy trail from bottom to top as she slipped her hands into his pants, feeling his growing erection. She attempted to pull his pants down but he stopped her, grabbing her hand and pulling it from under.  He forced her onto the bed and climbed on top of her, “you are for me to distract.”

    “Whatever you say,” he grinned widely as he loosen the dresses laces making it accesible to move. He lifted the bottom of  her dress, leading his fingers to the strap of her underwear. He licked her cleavage before yanking the underwear off of her. The heels came off as did her underwear before Loki went down on her. He grabbed both of her thighs and pulled them far apart from each other.  He lowered his head, getting a strong taste of her. She moaned softly to the feel of his cold tongue rub against the lips. Her body tensed in pleasure as his tongue went deeper inside her and she gripped the sheets of the bed. She moaned not so quiet when he hit the right point on her clit.

    Amora grabbed his hair to keep him in the right spot while he held her legs from closing. He began licking up the juices that spilt out of her before lifting his head up. Loki wiped whatever was left off his mouth before biting her neck. He kissed her deeply before pulling his pants down. He moaned in her mouth when he felt his penis rub against the lips. He prepared to enter her but he began to think about Sigyn again.

     He was ready to undo himself and this woman but now he couldn’t. The simple thought of his wife caused him to feel disgusted in what he was doing, ashamed even. He didn’t know if it was a curse or his intuition that forced him to be turned off but he couldn’t finish. He grunted irritably at himself as he pulled his pants up standing. Amora sat up watching him confused, “what’s wrong,” she asked holding up her dress.

     “Nothing with you, I need to head home to somebody,” he said disappointedly.

    “Oh, your wife,” she assumed.

    “Something like that,” he grabbed his tunic off the ground. Amora stood, fixing her dress as she put her underwear on.

    “Won’t say I’m not  disappointed but I understand.” He thanked her in gratitude for the service, “just know my doors always open to new consumers and hopefully regular ones too.” With that she let him out, staying in the room to fix herself properly. Loki hurried his leave out the bar, feeling it was a mistake coming there. He felt guilty but he shouldn’t, he knew he belonged to no one. Yet his heart ached for Sigyn even though he couldn’t have her. He left the tavern quickly before transforming into a crow and flying back.

     Loki transformed back when he got back to the house. Sigyn was placed curled up on the couch reading a book when Loki entered. He closed the door gently as he walked in before Sigyn sat up, turning to him, “you were gone for a while,” she stood up walking towards the kitchen. “I suppose I can start lunch,” Loki grabbed her shoulder, keeping her from going to the kitchen.

     “No Sigyn,” he didn’t look at her but he felt her glossy stare. “I’m filthy. Let me wash and I’ll make you a meal,” he decided not to tell her where he went until she’d ask about it. He left for the bathroom leaving Sigyn alone again. Sigyn did smell a certain aroma coming off of him,  a familiar smell, but she wouldn’t ask about it. She was in no position to question him for where he goes, but it wouldn’t stop her from thinking about it. Sigyn sat on the couch, picking her book up and continuing her read, feeling her mind drift back  from the book to Loki.


	10. A Hay-wired Trick

       Loki’s sores were gone, he thanked the Valkyrie for ridding him of the blisters. None of it meant the feeling or pain was gone but it was reassuring to see the clear view of that disappear. He thought about all the mistakes he made over the past few months and wondered why he stayed this long. He knew he would only keep regretting but staying until he thought himself to leaving again. He disgusted himself with the indecisiveness and was ashamed of his hesitations. It broke his character, and no aesir could fear the wrath of his hiding rage. Although he knew the source to be Sigyn, it brought more than her memories but all the horrifying memories of his life. He wanted it away but it kept coming for him and now there was no stopping it.

      Sigyn couldn’t help but sense a difference in him. Something in the air was released and it attached itself to both of the broken hearts. It slowly manifested and grew out of the cracks of their hearts but no good came out of it. Her heart was heavier than before and it made her sick. Her feeling were strong but nothing he did could make her fall for him again. She kept pushing the thoughts away but they came back to her with more powerful intent and she’d come with more force to push away. It became harder to deny her feelings for Loki as the days went on and every second was spent with him. The more he was changing the more she opened up to him and that was going to be a problem.

    Sigyn hated talking to her friend. She knew Sigyn’s psychosis that went through her mind and told her bluntly. The truth always hurt when it came from her but necessary for Sigyn to hear. She always got to her but she had the choice to listen and most times she chose wrong. It was today she didn’t want to hear her friend speak. Sigyn stayed deep in her gardens to hear her friend’s words but what she said contradicted both their thinking process. Sigyn rested on the bark of a large oak tree, pulling the petals of a golden poppy. Her friend paced the floor wondering where to begin. She still wore the lavender gown but her hair was braided down her back as Sigyn’s was. “There’s nothing to speak about-”

     “There’s too much to talk about,” she dropped down to her level. “Like why have you pushed me back,” Sigyn ignored her but it didn’t stop her. “You’ve been ignoring me Sigyn, but why?” She asked rhetorically as she moved closer. She took a large sniff of her, “disgusting,” she stood making Sigyn stand out of irritation. “All you’ve said to him and you still can’t keep him,” she said holding back her anger. “Look what you have done. He’s gone a day, then another, soon a week, and then forever. What are you trying to do,” she slammed her hand against the tree.

    “You told me not to trust him,” Sigyn recalled. She went in her face breathing heavily as she combed the strands of hair out of her face.

     “I say what you think,” she emphasized. “You can make him kill,” she whispered to her ear, “go or not. You have him in your palm.” She pushed her back, “but you’ve ruined the chance and now he’s leaving you, again-”

      “Stop it,” Sigyn walked away but she grabbed her hand and pulled her back in. She was behind Sigyn pulling her into her arms.

     “You saw what he did to that fiend.” Sigyn shook her head in disgrace, “at least be with him for the murder. Think about all the people you thought deserved death sooner than their time.” Sigyn pushed off of her and stepped away. She frowned to the sight of her distance, “closing your mouth won’t keep your thoughts away from me,” she said walking in front of her.  

     “You are making me sick,” Sigyn announced as she rubbed her head. She grabbed Sigyn’s wrist shaking her violently. She stopped herself from blurting anything she’d regret and released her.

      “Why fight the feeling,” she wrapped her arms behind her and rested her head on her shoulders.

       “Because all this time we were against this,” she said exasperated.

       “Something has changed in your heart, your objectives shifted and I know it.”

       “Shut up,” Sigyn demanded. She laughed at the attempt to shut what she knew to be fact. Sigyn felt her body grow against hers and her grip tighten around her. Her hair grew out and changed from hazel brown to a deep red. Her stance was no more that of Sigyn’s but of the man she feared the most would haunt her.

        “But you’re only pulling yourself into my arms,” Loki placed his hand over hers, curling his finger between hers. “Pull yourself too tight and it will break again,” he leaned in to kiss her as his grip tighten around her hands, crushing them under his. She ignored the pain as she tugged him closer. He kissed her deeply as he bent her fingers backwards. She pulled away in agony as she lifted her fingers to see them in their proper place. She looked up to see her friend cross her arms over her chest.

       “You are despicable,” Sigyn wiped her mouth.

       “And you are crazy, it is why you get along with him so well.” She rested against a tree, glancing at Sigyn in thought, “listen to yourself Sigyn. Let that night go and let him in, for the better,” she said plainly. Sigyn covered her mouth pacing slowly as the words worried her. She looked back at her with tears watering her eyes as she bit her hand.

      “Why do you play these games with me?”

      “It isn’t I who plays games,” she proceeded to walk away.

     “And if I do,” Sigyn yelled before she shrunk from the realization. She sat at the bark of the tree, holding the pain that came from the fall, “then I’m crazier than I thought.” She tugged at her hair to extinguish the internal pain she felt but it cease to help.  She decided to head home thinking it would bring her some comfort though she was beginning to lose the meaning of comfort. She hated herself feeling this way. Having this confliction in her head on what to do and having no right answer.

     She wanted to leave knowing her two sides couldn't agree on anything. There was something admitted by Loki that stuck with her. It must've been the one thing that gave her this internal struggle on her decision. She knew she shouldn't be with  him but if she had a slim chance of making it work, she wanted to take it. It was undetermined whether it was out of love and compassion, or desperation and guilt. Everyday the thought became fuzzier and every breathing moment with Loki, it became clear. The aching she felt in her heart and the churning in her stomach was no surprise. Her mind controlled her body in ways she never could have thought. She stood, heading for the exit where her head could pull back together and be sane for another day.

      

         Sigyn entered her home with Loki lying on the couch panting heavily. He had covered the couch in dirt and blood of his own and that of another. Sigyn stepped closer with worry as his attention turned to her. She noticed the deep claw marks located in the center of his chest and the scratches that covered the rest of his body. “Loki, what happened,” she asked with concern as her hands glazed over his body. She looked over each wound, figuring ways to heal them quickest but still worried for his well being.

     “I needed a distraction. I went hunting.” He touched the hole in his chest, wincing at the pain. She grabbed his hand and held it from touching the mark again.

     “You went to get mauled,” she corrected.

    “You live near many different creatures of the wild. It's strange to see them in one vicinity,” he used her grip to lift himself into a sitting position. She released him coldly as she went to grab her equipment. She entered the room dropping her basket of medical equipment and fell to her knees, grabbing a potion like gauze but stronger.

      “I don't know what would make you want hurt yourself.” She stood holding a damp cloth and pressed her hand against his shoulder blade as she dabbed the edges of his wound. He reflexively grabbed her hand in attempt to rid the pain that came from it.

      “It wasn't intentional, it was a large beast that questioned its inferiority to me.” Sigyn rolled her eyes before dousing the rag with the gauze.

      “This will hurt a lot,” she warned as she leaned to press the rag against the clawed skin. He grabbed her hand with more purpose and settled it to her side.

      “I can heal better without that.”

      “This can make you heal faster,” she said attempting to use it.

       “I can do that as well,” he said as he grabbed the rag from her. He set it back in the basket in hope she wouldn't grab it again. She gave in, picking up the bandages she would wrap him with. He stopped her from continuing in reluctance. “I am in much pain, I don't think we should wrap it now.”

     “You'll be worse off if it gets infected,” she said forcing the bandage on him. He moaned in pain and clenched the bandage in his hand. “I know, it hurts and I will not lie; I doused it in herbs. Only for your being,” she placed her hand over his to keep him from removing the bandage. “You weren't as shaky the first time I patched you,” she said curious while finishing the last wrap.

     “These wounds are fresh. I walked out days with those damages,” he lied. He didn't wait long to find shelter and security when he was injured. He was gaining the ability to “express” how he was feeling with Sigyn now that his body grew accustomed to her being. He himself didn't begin to comprehend what was happening and told a fib to cover it. Sigyn moved to the smaller cuts and patched them easily and quickly. She took her basket and brought it to the bathroom where she would clean off the blood she collected from him.

        “When did hunting become a favored activity,” Sigyn wondered, knowing his past hobbies never included hunting.

       “This morning when I went,” he said plainly. Sigyn sat beside him, ignoring the blood splotches decorating the couch.  He tried to stop her before she sat but she didn't mind getting dirt on her gown.

    “Right, and what reason would drive you to hunt,” Sigyn asked as her body loosened in his presence while his did the opposite with her.

     “Many,” he stood heading for the kitchen, “where do I begin?”  He said to himself shamed by the fact. He left the dead animal leaning against the cabinets as its entrails spilled out of its stomach. Loki picked up the being twice his size and carried it out in the open for Sigyn to see. Sigyn jumped to see the large horned beast in the arms of Loki. Its entrails poured out from the side of its stomach and blood dripped from its mouth. Its eyes were rolled into the back of its head, and its legs were curled up like a spider.

     “Ugh, the smell,” Sigyn covered her nose in disgust, “why did you bring the beast inside,” she asked horrified. The smell of rotting flesh was incapacitating.

     “To store it, but you don’t have enough space to keep it all fresh. You also know how to gut the thing but you weren't here.” He grabbed the paw of the beast and examined its sharp claws. “I will have to skin it instead. Mind giving assistance, it's inside are slipping out,” he said trying to keep them from hitting the floor. Sigyn was reluctant to get near the dead creature, afraid it might move if she touched it. The creature was large and its dangling lifeless body gave an intimidating and almost eerie effect. “You seem sick Sigyn, is something wrong?” He asked as he walked towards her, making her step back.

     “No,” she said uncertain before opening the door. “I wish you hadn't put it in our house without covering it.” she crossed her arms over her chest as he walked out the door, holding her breath as he did. He dropped the creature a few inches away from the entrance, stepping back in and grabbing a knife.

     “It was idiotic to bring a bloody corpse into _our_  home, but I can make it up,” he smirked.

    “In what way,” she asked not so confidently, noticing the big mistake in her wording.

      “In many but one,” he said, lifted spirit.

      “Is that why you grabbed my favorite knife?” She smirked remembering the blade to be the one she placed against his throat.

       “Not exactly,” he said as he dragged the dead animal farther out into the woods, it's guts leaving a trail behind him. Sigyn sighed before closing the door behind her. The awful smell distracted her, all she could think about was the putrid stench of death. Its dead eyes haunted her and it's limp swaying body shook her. She realized she found dead animals to be worse to look at than aesirs.

      The mess Loki left behind annoyed her. It felt like they were getting bigger each time, but it did give her a reason to use magic. She rarely used magic when she lived by herself, feeling it unnecessary to use alone. With another being around-a very nefarious being-she had the energy and reason to use what spells she knew. It also became easier and the magic was beginning to flow through her vein like it used to. She tried it again, speaking in the tongue of the older language and trailing her eyes over the blood smeared across the floor. The energy always juiced her, it gave her this sense of revival and liveliness that was missing in her life if only for a short time. Her body tingled from the power generated by Yggdrasil itself as the mess washed away and dispersed into air. A smile grew on her face from the cleansing of her home and the power running her.

       It did drain her to use it. It was thrilling for the moment but tiring the next. She did admit the exhaustion was worth fixing something faster and more efficiently. Sigyn took a seat on her clean couch sighing from satisfaction, closing her eyes.  “It is exciting using magic for the first time in a long while,” Sigyn jumped up, turning to see Loki resting on the couch beside her.

      “That was quick,” she responded startled, “how did you get in here?”  
      “The same way you cleaned my mess. It’s not hard skinning an animal when you have magic to help you,” he pointed out. He stood, walking around her making her nervous, “and yours has improved, but it has been held back from our time of separation. More practice and maybe we could break that branch you have on the Yggdrasil and introduce you into real power,” he slipped his hands under hers and lifted them from her sides, pulling them closer to him. She felt around his damaged hands and sensed the power he was conveying under his fingertips. Sigyn pulled her hands away in acquiescence, losing the connection she felt to that side of magic.

       “No Loki,” she said certain she was making the correct decision. His grin widen by the expected gesture and he lowered his hands.

      “What do you fear in this,” he referred to magic.

      “It is not something I want to envelop in,” she said, feeling the uncomfortableness of their little distance between each other.

      “It wouldn’t hurt,” he assured her. Her skepticism rose as she took a step back. Sure she may have wanted to learn more about the art that is magic, but not at a price. A price she knew Loki had paid to be where he was now. It was addicting to perform spells and do tricks but her life wouldn’t be dedicated to it. The idea may have sounded like fear and part of her did fear what she couldn’t understand, but that wasn’t an excuse to move into the laws of magic. She wasn’t the person to constantly pick at things she didn’t understand until she did, she felt safer with sticking with what she knew.  

     “I am certain that it wouldn’t,” he read her face like a book. She did fear what would come of this, but not only of magic, but of what would become of them. It was true, he wanted to use this as a way of getting closer but she too saw the risk of their separated relationship if she were to follow him.  His eyes encouraged the fondness of the idea but she would hate to admit she enjoyed the idea. Her friend had influenced her for only a little with her emotions towards him. They were more light hearted and less hidden the months prior. It was possible it was caused by the events prior that made her open to the truth with more force. She may be fighting to keep herself isolated, as she felt comfortable with old ways, but her shell began to crack and ability of bonding became an option.

        Sigyn looked up at him in content. He gave her pleading eyes (if she could call them pleading) and she denied them no longer. He was keen on teaching her magic, as he did with teaching anyone magic, but with her it sparked a flame inside him. She grabbed his hand calmly, “what trick would you grant me with your pallet of spells,” she exaggerated her acceptance, bowing mockingly. The gesture still made him smile and he bowed himself before using her hand to pull her body up against his. Her hand latched to his waist, digging her nails into it as the other pushed on his chest to be freed of the embrace. The struggle slowed as the surprise wore off and she was left with only the discomfort of constraint.

       “No tricks, only readings,” he looked over her before stepping back, showing a clear sign of ravishment. “Auras are an amazing source to a person’s soul and easier to see,” he kept his hand on hers as he sat down with her. “It is simple really, reading auras. Depending on the size and color, auras can say a lot about a character.” Loki used magic to help her see what he spoke about. She felt a wavy glow surround herself and she looked down to see a bright dark golden glow shine around her for a short glimpse. Her eye went wide from shock and she jolted up to look at Loki for reassurance. The connection was cut when she looked at him and second sight disappeared.

      “You said no tricks,” she said after checking herself for sign of the entity.

      “It isn’t, it is the wall that blocks the other world from view,” Loki said simply. “We’ve only made a scratch in it. To access this sight is harder than it seems to be but you have a closer source than the Yggdrasil,” he held his hands out for her to grab.  She was hesitant but eager to see what he meant. Placing her hands on top of his, she saw the same result as before. There was a golden glow surrounding herself with a darker orange on the surface of her skin. She was in awe for a moment and couldn’t stop staring at the illuminating color reflecting her person. She couldn’t tell what it meant and the question made her ask, but she noticed the absence of the glow on Loki’s person.

      He seemed calm and collective about as he watched her realize it. The sight made her think of possible reasons why he didn’t have an aura but he seemed to have caught it before she could ask. She was confused but she thought she must’ve not had the full ability to see auras, she was now learning. He squeezed her hands, causing her to look down. “what does it mean?” She decided to keep the subject off his missing aura and bask in the discovery of hers.

       “It’s bright,” he leaned, “the golden yellow symbolizes your sincerity and ambition. The streaks of orange is your will and judgement.” he leaned in to where he could locate the thin line of vibrant red in parts of her body. “The red is your aggression and other matters of the sort,” he sat back, cutting the connection of magic off. “The concept is a lot more complicated than how I vaguely described it, but you have much spirit,” he admired a bit, showing signs of respect .

      “But how can I read them,” she asked wondering how if he wasn’t here to help. He placed her hand on her chest, telling her to close her eyes.

     “It’s simple, focus your energy in touching a person’s soul and it shall come to you,” he released her once she was stuck in thought. He gave her no resources and left her to fend for herself.  She didn’t quite understand what he was saying as the result she gained before didn’t come to her now. She opened her eyes but Loki ordered her to keep them closed. She tried focusing her energy to her center again, more frustrated than before. She peaked to see any changes but found none. She huffed and tried the process again, more intent on touching her soul. She heard snickers coming from Loki as she watched her struggle, giving her advice and tips as she focused. She tried letting all that surrounded her disappear and her mind focus on the reading.

          She began to hold her breath which Loki suggested was not a good idea. Her body tensed as she her thoughts ran back and forth from what Loki said and what she wanted to do. She grew more frustrated with every inhale but was determined to get what she wanted.  Loki kept her hand on her chest as a reminder of how close something she wanted was to her. She kept her mind on the prize and felt the magic course through her. A smile grew on her face as she felt more of the Yggdrasil’s magic flow through her. Feeling that she had a chance, she grabbed Loki’s hand and pulled him closer to her. Face to face, she placed her other hand on his back while keeping him in place. Out of surprise and realization of what she planned, he tugged to be released but she had him tightly around her arms.   
      “Sigyn don’t,” he pleaded but she opened her eyes before he could do anything. She only had a half second glance of what it looked like before she closed her eyes quickly in pain. She fell over, holding her hands over her eyes to erase the burning brightness of colors she barely had view of. She whimpered and groaned in stingy pain while rubbing her eyes to ease it. Her eyes continuously water to blind her from the outside as the wound needed time heal. “Dammit Sigyn,” Loki said in a frustrated panic as he moved over to her rocking body. He picked her upper body off the ground, resting it in his arms. “How much damage was done, how long did you look?”

      “It hurts so much,” she managed to say as the constant crying and need for cries of pain made her voice tighten in restraint. She tried opening her eyes but Loki placed his hand over them to shield her eyes from any source of light. “Am I blind?” She cried in worry. Loki picked her up off the ground and told her to keep her eyes closed. He wasn’t sure the amount of damage and chose not to answer her question, he only prayed it wasn’t much

       He carried her to her room and rested her on her bed. He tried keeping his voice calm but there were cracks of worry with every other word. Her crying couldn’t stop and it took a spell to make the pain subside. “Are you okay ” he sat next to her as he tended to her wounds. He ridded her off the stingy sensation she felt on the surface of her eyes. The crying stopped and the whimpers began to lower as well. “Your eyes are very sensitive now and they will be for a while.” Sigyn didn’t speak, she needed time to process what had happened minutes ago, and what she had saw surround Loki’s person. She saw small glimpses of the whole image before the it began to burn her retinas. “I am so sorry,” he said in sorrow as he petted her hair. “I should’ve never shown you your aura-”

     “What was it,” she asked, cutting him off. She wiped the tears that poured down her face. Loki hesitated to answer but knew he had to give her one for all he’s done. He stood from the bed, walking away. Sigyn sat up, staring at him, her eyes still watery. “I don’t know what I saw, and I’m not sure if it was normal so I must know,” she said as she walked towards him. He tried putting her back to her bed she was determined for an answer. Her eyes, though blind, was filled with concern and fear for his well being. “What was it,” she asked again, more stern, “why did it hurt to look,” she said wiping another tear.

      “It was something tainted.” Sigyn seemed unsatisfied with the simple answer. “Please Sigyn,” he surrendered, wanting only to help heal her. She backed down, wiping the tears rolling down her cheeks. What she saw was more than a tainted soul and Loki was too afraid to talk about it. He lead her back to her bed and asked her to rest and not to open her eyes any longer. He watched over her and checked her vision occasionally. When she finally found the courage to sleep, Loki was lost in thought. He was terrified of what she had sight of, it was the true reflection of his character and he often avoided to look. It showed everything he was made of and everything that made him. It was another repulsion he lived with that gave him reason to hate himself more. It was the reminder of what he truly is and always will be. He didn’t want to talk about the painful reminder, but now with the injury he left Sigyn, she was going to need all the answers to forgive him.


	11. Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's just honestly ridiculous for how long it took for me to finish this chapter. Writer's block aside; here's the chapter.

          “You act as if I have no limbs to move,” Sigyn said, trying to get up from bed but Loki held her down. Days had past of this and she wanted to get some fresh air. Her vision came back steadily but, images were a haze when she looked at them. Her eyes were covered with bandages to ensure she wouldn’t have her eyes open for too long. Loki was glad that she hadn’t lost sight permanently and nursed her with every bit of bone and magic in his body. The process went faster that way which Sigyn was glad of. The pain was gone but the effects of whatever she saw were still there. She removed her bandages once she removed his hand off of her. The milky brown eyes were a constant reminder of his mistake. The horrible mistake of hurting Sigyn. It made him step down whenever he wouldn’t, like now. “I am going to bathe,” she said before leaving the room, “I smell of a stable.” 

         Loki felt much guilt for her blindness and rightfully so. He should’ve known she would be too curious to let the hidden aura slide. He usually kept it well hidden around anyone, but he couldn't deny he had his guards down with Sigyn. He should’ve seen it coming, maybe he was warped in the moment and didn’t see it, or maybe he ignored it for reasons of his own.  It was good that she hadn’t asked anymore questions about that day, she was more worried about her sight than his hidden secrets. She also seemed to stay quiet most of the time, having only her hearing to navigate her around. Her ears were her sight while she recovered and she rather not waste it by talking. He heard the sound of water running and assumed she was settling into her bath. Knowing she was able to do a simple task without assistance brought him some relief. He had not crippled her to an irreversible extent but it didn’t stop or slow the pain creeping up inside him. 

         He held back the thoughts that manifested in his mind that lead him to the state of insanity he was in now. Even Sigyn couldn’t look at his soul without having an ill effect. To cause harm to the one person who didn’t deserve it, made him sick. He has hurt her in more ways than one and this piled onto the debt he owed her. His life was payment but it was going to take his soul to pay full. He hated himself more than already for the dirty deed he pulled and cursed himself with words of disgust. 

       It took long for Sigyn to finish bathing and had forgotten to grab her clothes since Loki occupied her room. Wrapped in a tan towel, she entered, rushing in to grab what she came for. Loki had stopped her before leaving and offered his aid, a grin spreading across his lips not being able to resist. Sigyn promised she would blind him permanently before allowing him the task. She decided not to let him stay and ordered him out of the room for her to dress. He followed as asked carefully and reluctantly, knowing that he was going to earn it like everything else he’s lost. Sigyn looked back at him but closed her eyes when it began to burn as she quickly changed. 

          Sigyn came out in a dress and heels and walked past Loki to the door. “I’ll be going to the garden,” she announced before he stopped her. She knew that if Loki went with her, she wouldn’t have to see her friend but she didn’t know whether that was a positive reaction. She’d say her sanity levels would increase when she was surrounded by another being, but then again it was Loki and he was no better than her.  It had only been a few days since the incident and she was still overwhelmed by the act. She had given them both time to recover but she wanted answers. She despised the idea on not having a real diagnostics as to why his aura was so bright it burned like the sun.

       Loki asked to come, feeling as they both needed air to clear their heads. She agreed and was led out to her garden with the help of his guidance. With the loss of her sight, everything was more spacious. Without her sight, the garden felt like a forest and the large space made her feel free.  She had sat on the soft grass once she knew where she was. Beside her was a small bench with a water pot on the edge of it. She felt the roughness of the bush behind her and lied against it. Loki let go of her once he knew she was secure and sat beside her, leaning against the bench.

        She took a deep breath in before opening her eyes slowly as she exhaled. It stung slightly to feel the sun’s rays on her eyes but it was still pleasant to see the outside. Though it was blurry, she could recognize  her surroundings she’s been used to seeing for years. The soft grass under her feet brought her comfort and solace and her body relaxed under the feel. She watched one spot, feeling no need to look around for what she could not see. Through her peripherals she noticed Loki staring. It wasn’t uncommon for him to stare, she was once married to him after all. 

       There was clearly something on his mind, she wasn’t blind to that. It was obvious she had something to say but she didn’t know if she could ask. It was the probable reason for why he stared. The question was on her mind every time she looked at him, but she too didn’t have the courage to speak. Her thought ran back to the questions eating at her and her peacefulness drained with the passing moment.  “Why did you let me stay,” Loki asked. Sigyn turned to him, cocking her head to the side from confusion. He had already turned away from her but still pondered on the question. She didn’t know how to answer that question, it wasn’t something she’d expect him to say. He could usually assume the occasion, especially when it came to Sigyn. There was something off about him, and herself as well.

      “Because,” she swallowed, “I have to.” 

      “Your lies hurt,” he said earnestly. She didn’t respond nor did she look at him. “You could’ve released me anytime but you chose not to.”

      “Why ask now?” She asked, turning it around. She didn’t wish to answer the question and he could see it now. Loki was lost in thought after her statement. They both didn’t want to admit anything to each other, but someone was going to be the icebreaker. Sigyn smirked, turning back to the scenic view, “you’ve grown soft Loki.” He turned to her fully, practically offended by the claim. He couldn’t get sound out before she cut him off, “that’s a good thing,” she faintly smiled. He set his objection aside, finding it a pleasant surprise of opinion. He combed his hair out of his face, smiling half-heartedly. Her smile lowered as her answer came up short, “I don’t know,” she said having no better response. Loki knew the answer would be uncertain, as he felt the same for his.

       They sat in the silence for a long while and let the sounds of the breeze flow through them. Loki sighed frustrated, having inner conflict with himself and conflict with speaking the words he could only dream of saying. It was pathetic in his mind, but it became harder with every passing moment he spent with Sigyn. It made him want to leave, the tightness in his throat, the struggle in his mind, the anger he felt from indecisiveness, it was overwhelming. To leave was to be a coward and he promised himself, and to her, that he wouldn’t be a coward again, even though she didn’t know that. He didn’t know a way of expressing his feelings properly. The only way he knew how was through intercourse, but that wasn’t going to work this time.  He had no idea how to approach the situation, but the first step was honesty, the hardest step of all.

     Sigyn picked a flower near her legs and picked at the pedals to distract her from her thoughts. The flower only kept her mind occupied for a short second before she drifted off, thinking about the one man she ever loved. She sighed herself, out of frustration she caused. She wanted answers to many question but knew she wasn’t going to get them. She didn’t bring him just to keep her friend away, and she started realizing it. “Loki…” she managed to say before cutting herself off to gather her thoughts.  Loki stood instinctively, feeding himself with the excuses to leave. He couldn’t help himself, it was almost an addiction, to leave those in need. She was hurt because of him, and now he wanted to no longer be there. He called himself a coward, but only for a noble cause and shame had no effect on him, as most pain didn’t. There was one feeling that did cause him to run away, fear. Fear was his main motivation for running away all these years, and just as before complied to his weakness. 

          Sigyn looked up at him before standing herself. His eyes widen as the fear rolled in, showing him the truth behind his lies. It was wrong to think he could stay with her, when he’s already hurt her so much. To stay was to cause more harm , something he wanted the least done to her. He hated when his mind was indecisive, but there was one idea his mind could agree on, and he wanted to leave. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. “Loki,” she repeated herself as she grabbed his arm. She looked at him with her semi-milky eyes, reading the looks he gave her. She knew that gaze all too well for her to forget it, and it angered her. 

         She guessed her friend was correct, and she hated when her friend was correct, at this point in time at least. Just when she thought the pain was getting easier to bare, he had to ruin it.  Just when she began to believe the wounds were being patched up, he tore them apart. She grabbed his wrist, noticing his body faced the exit, which he didn’t seem keen on. “Loki we have to talk,” she said stern as she turned him around.

        “There’s nothing to talk about,” he tried to reassure to make his inevitable escape. 

       “Yes, there is,” she said as she pulled on his shoulder, turning him to face her. “There is still the matters of speaking about what I saw-” she demanded frustrated. 

      “I’ve already told you,” he snapped, growing annoyed by her constant pressing on the issue. 

     “You have only told me the surface,” he turned away, taking his needed distance from her. “Why you have been scared to tell me the truth is beyond my knowledge, but I know you Loki. Know you more than we both ever thought I could-” this would be the few chances he could finally be honest with himself, and with the ones he loved. He didn’t want to make that deal, he didn’t want to show himself to anything or anyone ever again. He’s done too much to ever be forgiven for his crimes against the realms across the nine, and he never wanted to be.

     If he stayed with himself, he wouldn’t have to worry but any outside sources trying to change the choices he’s already made. Sigyn made it harder for him to accept the choices he’s made, making him believe there was a way to fix it, to undamn the eternally damned. This hope she gave him angered him, knowing if he put his trust in it, it would end with pain and regret. “Give me the answers you have choked on for so long,” she saw the cracks in his words. The truth was on the verge of spilling, and with that, a new coming for them both. Loki shrunk, feeling his small hope shrivel and die with what was left of his internal pain.

    Something did breakthrough, but it wasn’t what she wanted, and possibly what he didn’t want either. He wasn’t ready to be open and vulnerable to even Sigyn and it left him shielded. She had reached to touched him but he turned to her, grabbing her wrist, “there’s nothing more to give you woman,” he warned through his teeth. He had shut her out, and she knew that, but she wasn’t going to stop. Only continue with the same force and intensity. “My words aren’t for your pleasure,” he let go of her wrist of which he held tightly. All he wanted now was to leave.

     “Your intentions were in fact, the opposite before, why do they change now,” she scoffed, sensing her anger build.

     “Because  _ my _ life is the one on a thin string,” he raised his voice, taking a step closer to her.

    “Selfish! You always were, but you can not tell me whose life is in danger,” she shouted. “I have kept you, a criminal, in my home and allowed you to murder in it. All of Asgard is after you, and I have been protecting you these months,” he couldn’t speak to her about sacrifices. She’s made the greatest one to ever be apart of Loki’s life. 

     “Why do you always do this,” he grabbed her by the shoulders, exasperated and angered. She messed with his mind, his thinking, and he needed to know why. Why it was such a struggle to keep himself structured when with her. She removed his grasped from her, not too gently.

      “What? Tell the truth? Because I am the only one in this relationship willing to admit it,” she pushed him back with the steps she took and the words she spoke. “Tell me Loki! You owe me the truth,” he owed her much more than that, but it was a start. 

     “Fine,” he yelled, succumbing to her request. He held his breath as he’d have to repeat the mistakes he made, “do you know how it feels to make a deal with the devil?” He felt his tone lower from sadness, “to deal with another? And another? And another until you slowly start to become one yourself?” It was rhetorical, no one has ever did that. He was far older than he looked, as old as Odin himself, possibly older. He wasn’t quite sure anymore, those day were far behind him now, but the experience was still there. Every last breath still came out of his body and as well as the past. “All the pieces of my soul damaged and ripped, ripped and torn again. That’s what you saw Sigyn, a devil’s deal after another.”

   Each scar and tear represented the deals he pulled to become who he was now. He didn’t know why he did it. A lust for power, or a paranoia against those stronger than him. He wasn’t sure, and he would never be. There was only one person who knew in detail of all his deals, and how they came to be, and that was Odin.  It was he who could relate to Loki and for the tasks he did, which ensued this brotherly bond between them. Things changed once Asgard was made and populated, but he still remembered those days before the realm and had a fondness over it. It didn’t help with the constant pain in his body and mind, having a broken spirits makes living normal, harder to be. 

     “I’m… so sorry Loki,” she didn’t have any remedy that could ease that everlasting pain that will exist in him. 

     “Don’t be, I don’t have anyone else to blame but myself,” he said frustrated. He was scared of this world and armed himself, no one else forced him to. He averted her gaze as she stepped closer, placing a hand on his warm cheek. Sigyn forced him to look in her milky eyes, “your blindness is only a reminder of all the mistakes I can’t change,” she got him to confess. There was sorrow in his words and pain in his chest that he knew would never go out. He rubbed his thumb against her soft skin near her eyes, coursing a strain of energy speed the process of her healing. The milkyness of her eyes cleared only a small amount, causing him to frown, proving his point. 

    His hand lowered in disappointment before she wrapped her around and pulled him into embrace. He was reluctant to accept the sudden affections, but she didn’t let go until he eventually wrapped his arms around her, tightly.  He buried his face in her shoulder, sighing heavily, “why do you make me feel this way.”

     “Feel what?” She asked curious now that she was getting full view of his person.

    “… hopeful,” he shrugged aimlessly. He hated it, but he needed it. He was the one to break the embrace, still holding her by her sides, “can you not see I am a lost cause,” he was sure if he told her, she’d see it. 

    “No. “ She pulled him back in close, “I see you past that Loki, it is why I have kept you so long,” she answered truthfully. She was the only person in the nine that could ever believe he could be save. He didn’t he could be saved, but she was willing to help him anyway even if it left her with nothing, and he loved her for it.

    “I am in you debt for eternity,” he smiled halfheartedly.  She smiled faintly to his before releasing him, turning back to her garden. She may have been blind, but she still had a garden to tend to. Now that she knew Loki wasn’t planning on going anywhere, she could do what she had planned to, other than deal with him.

    After a few hours of tending to her plants and him observing her work, they home. Sigyn didn’t seem to need help guiding her way back. They travelled in a calm silence, both in deep thought. Loki couldn’t believe he was able to meet someone like Sigyn. He almost wanted to thank Odin, since he was the one who suggested her. He couldn’t give all the credit to him, Sigyn was the one who decided to stay and it seems that it’s going to be that way for a long time.

    There was no backing down out of this one. He made his choice, and maybe this time it was the right one. He would stay with Sigyn, as whoever she chose to associate him as. He owes his life and beyond to  her and he was going to repay it. He promised to her and to himself, he officially bounded himself. Sigyn had opened the door, entering before him. His thought escaped him as he walked up to the door, forgetting for a second of where he was. When he reached the entrance, he was halted by Sigyn who stood in front, facing him. She grabbed his tunic, pulling him closer and pressing her lips against his scarred ones. Loki was surprised by accepting of the kiss as he leaned in, pulling their bodies closer to each other. She wrapped her arms around his waist, deepening the kiss. She supposed he deserved it for telling her the truth, and maybe, to show her friend was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know. I just had to post it so people wouldn't think it was dead.


End file.
